Wednesday, July 31, 2013

500 pairs of yoga pants please

With Baby A I was hugely pregnant in the middle of the summer, in Georgia. It was crazy hot. I literally stopped checking the mail because I couldn't walk to the mailbox and back without sweating obscenely. At that point in my pregnancy I couldn't even imagine wearing (1) a dress due to my thighs of blubber creating sparks and setting me on fire, or (2) any maternity pants that came up over my massive belly to add another layer of fabric to my already overheated body. Everything I had were the under the belly style pants, shorts, skirts (when I gave in to the need to look nice occasionally), all of it.

Well, those aren't working so well for me right now. Instead of supporting my growing belly, they are triggering my Braxton Hicks contractions. Especially as I"m sitting at my desk. Walking around it isn't as bad, I guess that stretches those muscles out, but sitting here is very uncomfortable and I'm not sure what to do about it. I mean, yes, I've worked here for over 10 years and these people are like family to me, but I don't think it would go over well if I just took my pants off and walked around in my underwear like I would do if I were at home right now.

I need to invest in a few more pairs of comfy pants. There's no way I'm going to make it to December with my current set. Even some of my summer skirts that I should still be able to wear under my belly are making me uncomfortable.

I feel like such a crank lately. I don't want to complain all the way through this pregnancy. I'd like to think I can stop and enjoy some of this since it's likely the last go around. It's so hard to find the joy in it when your belly muscles keep contracting. :-(

Monday, July 29, 2013

18 Weeks and Braxton Hicks contractions

In the world of pregnancy there is very little that can make you quite as grumpy as regular Braxton Hicks contractions.

They're not so painful that it's worrisome, or so regular that I feel the need to call anyone. They're just enough to be annoying and uncomfortable.

It's super annoying that I'm only 18 weeks into this, not even half way, and they're already pretty intense. What's going to happen in 10 weeks? I am not looking forward to where this is likely to go.

I am excited that I"m feeling her move more. There are definite rolls and pushes. Frequently in the afternoons, apparently she's not a morning baby, which is good, I already have one of those. It's fun now because it's very light, it kind of tickles.

I haven't weighed myself recently. I think I'm around 7 lbs gained, which at 18 weeks, is pretty good. If I gain a pound a week from here on out that puts me right at about 30 lbs total, which I would consider ideal.

Sonogram next week. 20 week checkup is the good one where we can finally find out all her parts and pieces are growing the way they should and make sure she really is a she. My husband is still hoping for a boy. :)

Monday, July 22, 2013

My musical girls

One of the things I truly missed about being pregnant was feeling Baby A move and roll around. That is one of the most amazing things I've ever experienced and is the part of this pregnancy that I am very eager to experience again. There is no way to explain it to someone who's never known that feeling. I can say that at first it feels like little tickles on the inside on my belly. Then it grows into a feeling of pressure as a little foot or elbow pushes out a bit. I can say how it then eventually turns into punches and kicks that make you have to suddenly pee when you didn't have to go five minutes ago. But the emotional feeling that comes with these things is completely without words.

When I was pregnant with Baby A I noticed that she was almost always moving when I had music playing. Whether it was in the car or at my desk at work, or at church with the choir singing, she would be rolling around and I would laugh and say that she either loved or hated the music I played. Well, from day 1, she's been my little dancer. As soon as she was able she would bop along to whatever was playing. I frequently have music on in the house during the day. I like having the background noise and I like to dance too. So it may be while I clean, or cook or sit on the deck with a magazine, there is usually music on. I'd like to think I have a pretty wide range, we listen to the pop and top hits stations, but we also listen to the classic rock, alternative, blues, jazz, classical and, of course, the toddler tunes station.

I adore watching Baby A dance. There is just nothing like it, it makes my heart want to burst with joy. She'll try and copy the little moves that my husband and I show her. The other night he was pretending to tap dance with her and she was tapping her little feet right with him, it was great. We'll do little girl ballerina twirls and she'll do her little version and I just love it.

Sunday morning at church, it started with little girl #2. The choir was singing and I could feel little tapping going on in my belly as she reacted to the sounds. It's still very light and if I'm moving a lot, or busy with something, I probably don't notice it as much as it actually occurs. But Sunday morning, sitting quietly in the pew, I definitely felt her.

Looks like I have another dancer on the way.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Admittedly hiding

While I have made this blog public for searches and for those who flip through and stumble across posts randomly, no one in my family knows I have a blog. Mainly because I occasionally post things here that I know would be hurtful to certain people if they knew it had been written, or even thought. Keeping it to myself means I can say the things I want to say and not hurt feelings, but it also means that I can't share posts or include meaningful details of my life and my daughter(s) to those who would probably appreciate it most. Several people I know have blogs, public or private that are specifically for their thoughts on parenting, or meal parties, whatever their life revolves around.  I enjoy reading those to follow their challenges in raising toddlers and see other sides of parenting that frequently leave me grateful for my Baby A and occasionally leave me a little jealous. One of my husbands college buddies has a son that is just a few weeks younger than Baby A and the last post from his wife talked about their son's growing vocabulary, up around 100 words or so. Baby A probably has 20. I'd be surprised if I counted more than that. Some of those are sentences though. 'Go to sleep'. 'There she is'. 'Where's daddy/mama/baby A, etc?' (referencing peekaboo). But really, while she is very vocal, she is not very verbal. She doesn't mimic back to us or make attempts at words. However, when she's got one, it just comes out and it may not be anything we've attempted to get her to say. 'Outside,' 'Upstairs,' 'Down' are just a few that she just popped out with all on her own.

Mostly I know Baby A does things on her own schedule, has the whole time, but part of me doesn't want to make a public blog that my friends read and relate to because sometimes I do feel like she is behind. She will be 2 next month and she's not that great at feeding herself. I still spoon feed her most of her meals. Yes, that is something I have allowed. I have not pushed her to do it herself. I could. I probably will at some point here. But, that's also time for the two of us to enjoy together. We sing, and play, and make faces at each other during the meal. No, not really the best for teaching table manners, but it's what we do.

Having a public blog leaves things like that open to judgment by my friends. It leaves room for comments that I may not like. The same mom with the 100 word boy posted about the co-sleeping she does with her child. Talk about a charged topic, I did my very best 'control and contain' and especially since I've never actually met her, wouldn't dare give my opinion on such a personal subject. I've said it before, parenting is up there with Religion and Politics. It is none of my business the choices you make with your children, including attachment parenting, co-sleeping, breastfeeding until the age of 5 or anything else you choose to do. My concern is that in having a public blog I will have to deal with the many, many people out there who can not keep their mouths closed and who feel they have not only the right, but the obligation to tell me how to raise my children. And then I have to decide if I'm going to take the high road and ignore the comment. Or if I respond and what that response should be. I'm not so good at that and stick my foot in my mouth on a regular basis over lesser things.

I am tempted to try it though. Right now, I write for me. I don't think there's actually anyone reading my posts on a regular basis and that's ok. It's a digital diary. Thoughts and ideas that I'd like to pretend I'm sharing. With a public blog there is more accountability. More likelihood someone might actually see it.

We'll see. Maybe.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Drum roll please...

Today is 16 weeks and at our sonogram yesterday we were able to see our beautiful baby stretching and waving and rolling around in my big 'ole belly. The sonogram technician let us just watch for a little while.

We're having a girl.


I'm so very excited for Baby A to have a little sister. I have a little sister and while having a boy would have been an adventure unto itself, there's nothing like the relationship between sisters.

It is funny that I was having such boy thoughts! I am not in the slightest bit disappointed, I really had no preference either way. I think my husband is a little disappointed that it's not a son, but, he adores Baby A and I know is more concerned about healthy and happy with ten fingers and 10 toes than what the gender is.

So, at 16 weeks I've gained about 6 lbs. Finally gave into the maternity jeans today. I've been having some evening heartburn issues and, of course, the constant backache issue. Other than that, my energy levels seem to be back up and overall I feel pretty good.

Our little girl:

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Embarrassing, but true.

My job frequently entails some pretty mind-numbingly boring projects. Product pricing is one, where you stare at spreadsheets and hit copy/paste/copy/paste over and over and over followed by rows of copied calculations.

When I'm working on one of these types of projects I will usually turn on whatever audio book I'm currently listening to because I can pay attention to the book and still do the work. I pause it whenever someone comes into my office or calls me. Not that big a deal and I pretty much relate it to the public radio stations or podcasts that a lot of my coworkers listen to during the day. I'm working, just multi-tasking too.

My office is directly next to our presidents office. Don't get the wrong idea when I say 'president'. Notice I didn't capitalize it. This is a small, family owned operation. I'm not talking about a corporate bigwig in a power suit and tie. Half the time he's in shorts and a baseball hat to go fishing that afternoon. However, he is still the president and who I report to.

I don't think either one of us have ever had a truly private conversation. The walls are thin, we're both loud talkers and I'm not really one to close my ears to potential office inner politics anyway.

Well, apparently I had the volume up a little high on my book while I was working yesterday and he, being as nosy as I am, came to see what I was listening too. He walked in to find me with my nose about 2" from the monitor as I stare at minute lines on a spreadsheet and so I wasn't too quick in pausing my story. Here's the rest of the conversation:

Him: What are you watching?
Me: I'm not watching, I'm listening (pick up phone and shake it).
Him: What are listening to?
Me: A book.
Him: What kind of book.
Me: Just a funny little 'girly' book.

Now, to pause in the dialog, when I say 'girly' book, I mean a short, comedic, barely a novel that's on the summer reading shelf at most Barnes and Nobles. Lighthearted, fun, stupid little book that's not going to change the meaning of your life or make you think real hard. They're usually about women who shop too much, or drink too much, or both and the 'adventures' they fall into while drunk and shopping.

That, however, is apparently not what a man thinks of when someone says 'girly book'. So he says:

Him: Great! Let me know when it gets to a good part!!

(again, note the small, family owned operation sentence previously. pretty sure that would not be the comment from a corporate bigwig in a power suit and tie)

Me: No!!! No!!! Nononononononnono!!!!!! Not that kind of girly book!!! That is not what I meant. I'm not listening to that type of book at work!!!

Now, picture me flushed a bright, burning red from head to toe and instantly sweating from sheer embarrassment.

Yeah, that was my day yesterday. At that point I was about 7 hours into a 10 hour book. Most of the way through. It's been the funny and lighthearted book I had expected, until about 30 minutes after I had the above conversation.

Then, I had to very quickly hit pause and stare at my phone.

Suddenly, it had become one of 'those' girly books.

I hate it when he's right. Although I'm most certainly not going to inform him on this occasion!

So, needless to say, I have not been listening to that particular story while in the office today. I have, however, been driving very slowly to pick up Baby A at daycare after work...

Monday, July 8, 2013

15 Weeks and a vacation

Somehow we all survived the annual Forth of July In-Law Extravaganza. I know I've mentioned, my husband is a twin, and they were born on their older sister's birthday and so every year July 6th is a festival of desserts and presents and general chaos. Mostly we supply the chaos, but essentially it's now 10 people (8 adults, 2 kids) and three dogs for four days. Normally we have activities and trips and boat outings and winery tours, etc, etc. Winery tours are kind of out these days since the kids showed up, and I'm pregnant. And this Fourth of July was the coldest and wettest we've ever seen.

It poured.




All of it. From the moment we pulled out of our driveway Thursday morning until we packed up the car to leave on Sunday afternoon, it poured. By Saturday afternoon Baby A was standing at the door saying 'ouside? outside? outside?' She was desperate to get out of the house. We all were.

It was also rather chilly. None of us brought real pants, we had capris and I have a sweatshirt that I keep at the cabin there just for emergency use. Thankfully I packed really well for Baby A and at the last minute had tossed a pair of sweatpants and hoodie in her bag in case the breeze on the lake was cool. She wore that sweatshirt the whole weekend. I had also packed a bag of hand me downs for my niece, and that was well timed too. There were a couple of 6 and 9 month hoodies in there and some pants that she wore all weekend too.

As for my niece, she was wonderful. She is such a happy, sweet baby. She was happy to have anyone hold her, didn't care if she'd never met that person before. She squealed and laughed and played and was such a delight.

My sister in law ended up with a pretty significant bug up her ass sometime Saturday and was snide and cranky the whole rest of the weekend. We have no idea what happened. We never do.

My M-I-L is worried about their marriage and my B-I-L's health. He's got some swollen glands in his throat that biopsies have been inconclusive about and he's not being very proactive in finding the next step. Plus having a special needs daughter with physical therapy and special doctor's appointments. I don't know how much he does, or if my SIL does it all, which is what I think happens. Although to be fair, she's a "Take charge and do it myself" kind of person anyway. So, she may not have really even given him the opportunity to be involved. I don't know. In a lot of ways, we all wonder about that relationship. Every time my husband gets together with his brother, he comes away feeling outraged on his brother's behalf. I don't know the whole of the conversations between them. They're brothers, twins, honestly I don't need to be involved in their conversations, but I know my BIL is so much more laid back and (hate to use the word but,) submissive than my husband is. My husband and I get into it occasionally over differences in opinion about how some things should or shouldn't be handled. I don't know how much my BIL stands up for himself. Maybe he does and just doesn't air his laundry the way she does.

Anyway, other than that, we did have a nice time and everyone adored playing with Baby A and loved to watch her run around and interact with them. We were happy to get home last night though. Baby A especially. Even in the rain, our house has more room for her to run around and then, to top off a great birthday weekend for my husband, our good friends came over to grill out last night (it had finally stopped raining).

So we got the first of what I expect to be many shots over the years like this:
Baby A and Audrey.

I am probably going to have to stop calling my daughter Baby A. She is definitely not a baby anymore. 

So, 15 weeks this week. I have a sonogram on Thursday. I am currently at about 5.5 lbs gained and am finally feeling pretty good. My backaches are my only real complaint and I do hope to start a true exercise routine this week where I can strengthen some core muscles and hopefully relieve some of that.

I'm very excited about the sonogram. Will post pictures afterwards. :)