Friday, May 30, 2014

Feeling Better

I did talk to my husband on Tuesday to let him know how I was feeling and that I needed some help. He has been really great this week.

I also went to the gym this week. TWICE! I just got on the treadmill and walked but it was so nice to get out and do something, anything!

My appetite the last few weeks has really been out of control. I feel like I"m always hungry and I never used to have that trouble. I used to keep my diet around 1100-1200 calories easily. Right now I'm at 1300 steadily but that's not where I need to be to continue losing weight.

I managed to drop the pound that I gained on vacation, but honestly I'm pretty happy with only having gained a single pound while we were out for a week. I didn't snack much and our diet didn't change too drastically, but boy did we drink a lot more than normal! That's definitely my splurge. I can pass on just about any dessert, but open a bottle of wine and I will not turn my glass away.

The feelings of panic and being overwhelmed have settled down a bit. My husband moved his workouts to the mornings this week and has been in the house each evening with me and the girls. Just having him in the house to intercept some of Ali's constant questions and games was helpful.

I bought a new pair of jeans and they fit. And they look good. That's helpful too. They're not the size I want them to be, but 5 months postpartum, to be able to buy a pair of jeans and have them button comfortably around my still shrinking belly, I"m ok with that.

I need to maintain my sanity. I need to get a little more control.

My mom is taking Ali this weekend and I hope to have some quiet time to get some things done that have been sitting around waiting for me to have time to do them. I have half a dozen or more unfinished projects sitting around the house, not to mention the regular things that I haven't been getting to lately.

One step at a time.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

**Warning** Meltdown pending

I can feel it coming. I'm trying to keep control and keep a hold on myself but I can feel it coming.

When Ali was six months old I had a meltdown. Not a major event requiring doctors or medicine or therapy, although therapy may not have been a bad idea. It was like a postpartum depression set of symptoms only 6 months later. I did a bunch of research at the time but couldn't find anything about PPD going past 3 months. No mention of anything occurring so far past delivery.

Elle was five months old yesterday.

I know it's coming. I feel it creeping up on me and this time I at least recognize what I'm feeling.

I'm having trouble sleeping.
I'm anxious, completely keyed up at all times, on the edge of panic, but I don't know what about.
Apathetic about just about everything. Food, exercise, work, cleaning, nothing's a priority.
No energy, none.
Feeling a loss of control in all areas of my life.
Irritable at the smallest things.
Moody and on the verge of tears pretty constantly.

We went on vacation the week before last and I felt it then, just the beginnings of it. My husband sees it as his duty to help his dad with yard work and such while we stay at their cabin. So I got all kids all the time. He doesn't see my side at all.

This weekend, with the three day weekend for Memorial Day I had hoped for some relaxing family time, and while we did get some good pool weather on Sunday, the amount of time my husband was out running or riding made for long days for me. He doesn't see my side at all. He in fact asked if he could go out for a six hour bike trip Monday morning. I said yes. I always say yes. I"m never going to say 'no, stay here and stare at the girls with me'. I know he needs time out to exercise. That's part of who he is.

I'm just feeling very lost in the shuffle right now and the additions and changes since Elle arrived are starting to take a toll.

On the flip side, the girls had a great weekend.
Memorial Day Photos.

Saturday on the deck. Murphy & his baby.

Sunday at the Pool

Monday morning pancakes, walk, fun time and flowers!

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Who stole my peas?

Last night I sat Ali down with her dinner first because I was making some spicy pork chops for my husband and I that we love, but is a little too much for her. She finished her dinner like a champ (leftovers: marinated chicken, steamed broccoli and couscous with a little butter) and then hopped up in my lap while I finished mine. This isn't really a normal thing, typically she'd either go play while I finish, or we'd all be eating together anyway and it wouldn't come up. Last night was bath night though, and I was almost done, I didn't really want her pulling out a bunch of toys we'd have to pick up in 5 minutes so, up in my lap she climbed.

And then, she started eating my peas.

It started off with one or two peas at a time.

Then it turned into handfuls (little handfuls but still) at a time.

And it's really, really hard to argue about your child eating vegetables, even when they're supposed to be yours.

I'm pretty excited about the dinner though. I use MyFitnessPal and when I calculated the calories, the whole thing, chop, peas, rice & butter was only 323 calories!

We're having leftovers for dinner, this time, I'll give Ali her own plate of peas so she leaves mine alone!

Tuesday, May 20, 2014


I realize I'm a little slow to the party.


I can NOT stop singing the Frozen soundtrack.

I am 35 years old. Not 5.

I am currently listening to it with earphones because I'm embarrassed to have it playing out loud in the office.

I think that's pretty bad.

Monday, May 19, 2014

When is a vacation not a vacation?

When you bring your two year old and four month old along too.

Every spring Mama T takes a week vacation to go to the beach. I swear she does it just to remind us mom's that the full time gig is rough! I know I can't be the only one who runs in on Monday morning and throws my kids at her, kicking my heels in the air as I sprint back to the car and tra-la-la my way to the office.

I love my girls, I do, but wow it's a completely different universe when you've got two kids, with two different nap schedules, one mobile, one not, out of town, not in their own beds, sharing a room with messed up naps, meals, toys and time zone.

Add to that, Elle just started rolling over, which is cute. Unless it's 4:30 in the morning, and she gets mad because she can't figure out how to roll back. Thankfully she's a quick study and it only took a couple days for her to figure out both directions. Now, I put her on her playmat and come back to find her flipped over and scooted half way across the room. Good lord she's going to keep me on my toes. I'm fairly sure she'll be crawling way before Ali did.

Elle has also developed this thumb-sucking habit and while we were out of town, and she was sharing a room with Ali, I let her have it. It was just a little too rough when she was the only one who didn't switch to central time zone and 5:30 in the morning was a 'late' wake up in her little mind. With her thumb available, she just flipped onto her back, kicked her feet up in the air and sucked her thumb until I drug myself out of bed to get her. Without her thumb, she was a screaming mess with Ali right there to suffer through.

While I really love visiting my in laws cabin, there are some definite downsides.

Technically, it's 'free'. However, because it's 'free' my husband feels the need to do some yard work and general maintenance that my father in law has trouble doing, or that will take him longer than it would my husband. This is a wonderful thing that my husband does, and it's really his nature to do this. However, I specifically asked him to not turn this trip into him playing in the yard with his dad all week and leaving me with the kids on my own. That's what happened last time, when we had one daughter. I will admit he did better this time, not great, but better and really made an effort to take Ali out on his own several times.

Another downside is that I really can't send Ali out to play without being right there too. At home, I can hand her a bottle of bubbles, a plastic cup and a broom and she will have a great time doing who-knows-what in the backyard. Our fenced, safe, view-able backyard. At the cabin, there's no fence, it's a mountain, there's poison ivy, there's deep woods, weird locals and bears walking down the road wildlife. While Ali is outside, someone has to be with her.

All in all, it was a nice week with family and some really quality time with the girls, but now, I need another vacation, one without the kids.
Ali at 'the pool'

On the boat

Elle and my Mother in Law

The vest was just a bit big...

Friday, May 9, 2014

When to Potty Train?

Ali is two and a half and we're working on several 'big girl' things.

Eating habits is a big one, she's the slowest eater in the world.

Talking about potty training is another one. Next week we're going on vacation and I plan on spending several afternoons sans pants so she can at least start to grasp the idea that she's wet. Diapers these days are so good at their job that she's really not that aware of when she's wet.

We also bought several new books about going on the potty and wearing big girl panties.

I also got her some minnie mouse panties to practice in.

I have no illusions that one week on vacation to introduce the idea is going to result in a potty trained child, but as of right now, she has zero interest in losing the diapers.

My goals for next week are for her to realize when she needs to potty and to start communicating with me about it. If I can get her to actually go in the potty, that would be a huge score.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

30 Day Challenge - Half Way There!

I'm very proud to say I've made it half way through my 30 day challenge! I really didn't think I'd stick with it, but it's definitely a doable program. Even on the harder days, it's about 10 minutes out of my morning, or if I get worn out, like on days where I have to do 40 sit ups, I split them into morning and evening. I'll do 20 and 20.

I'm happy to say that I can now do 25 decent sit ups in a row or 10 real ones.

I consider 'decent' sit ups to be with my arms out straight in front of me while I curl up, it provides some leverage. 'Real' sit ups are with my arms crossed over my chest without that extra leverage.

When I started this challenge I had some goals.

I started it at four months postpartum and wearing my size 8 pants unbuttoned.

At five months I wanted to wear my size 8 pants buttoned (already there).

At six months I wanted to fit into a bathing suit without embarrassment.

I've added to those goals.

At seven months, Elle is being baptized. I have a specific dress that I want to wear, and I want it to look fantastic. It has a narrow waist and is not forgiving in the hips.

Ready, Set, Keep Going!

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

The Anti-Thumbsucker Device

Elle has started sucking her thumb. Except that she's not really sucking her thumb, it just happens to be the only thing available and she likes to chomp. She'll chomp on anything. A toy, her hand, the front of the jumper she's sitting in, my shoulder, my shoulder, my shoulder. Pretty much every shirt I own now has baby drool soaking my left shoulder. She doesn't like to lay in your arms, she likes to be upright, so she ends up on my shoulder as I bring her in or out of the car, or move around with her during the day. She just happily hangs out with me, chomping on my shoulder, and sometimes my hair.

So Mama T and I are on a mission to curb the thumb-sucking before it turns into a serious thing. Right now she doesn't care. She doesn't need it, it's just there. So, I created this:

My Anti-Thumbsucker Device (ATD)

I took a pair of leg warmers that I had from when Ali was little(er) and sewed a strip of fabric attaching them together, and then sewed the other ends closed.

Forgive the horrible picture of me, but balancing Elle while trying to take the photo was a little challenging, especially with her trying to watch... After getting one decent photo of the ATD, I didn't feel like attempting to get one without the crazy face I"m making too.

I made two pairs, because I had two pairs of leg warmers, and she now has her ATD's on while I can't keep an eye on her, and her hands out of her mouth. 

When I put them on for real, I put the strap underneath her outfit so it's not hanging around and getting tangled in anything, especially her. Kind of like mittens for little kids so they don't lose one at the bus stop. :)

I realize this is a little controversial and some parents don't have a problem with thumbsucking, some have pacifiers and some never need anything (like Ali). I believe thumbsucking is a bad habit that is much easier to break before it even starts. So this is my choice. It doesn't need to be anyone else's. 

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

This Princess Wears Pants

This morning while on our way out of the house, Ali starts spinning circles in the garage while I get the car open and bags loaded. She has a purple fabric tiara on that my mother in law got for her for Christmas. She adores that and will put it on and run around the house saying she's a pretty princess. I'm not sure where the princess thing came from, but whatever, she's a little girl who wants to be a princess. Don't we all??

While spinning this morning, in her purple tiara she suddenly stops and looks at me and says "I can't be a princess I"m not wearing a pretty dress." Ali happened to be in jeans today to go to Mama T's since it's a gorgeous day and they'll be running around outside all day. Yes I could put her in a dress, but she falls every two minutes so pants make more sense.

I tried to tell her that she can still be a princess in pants but she was insistent that she couldn't be a princess without a pretty dress.

I realize that it's really an issue of popular media but I feel as though I may have neglected something in the portrayal of women. Of course, she's 2, so it's not like I can start throwing around Gloria Steinem or anything like that, but really, there has to be a princess somewhere who wears pants.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Excitement level: Nuclear

Well, the day finally came. Ali has a playhouse.

Two weekends ago my dad came over and he and my husband set the posts in concrete and that was about all they were able to do until the concrete set.

Ali knew what was going on and when they finished for the day, she looked at it, four tall posts in the ground and that's about it, turned to my husband and said 'that's not a playhouse.'

No dust on this girl, I tell you what!

Everyday last week, she'd look out in the backyard and say, 'that's not a playhouse'. It was pretty funny.

Then this past Saturday my dad came back and he and my husband spent about 8 hours straight working on it. My dad LOVES this kind of thing, especially for his grand-babies. Plus it was some quality bonding time for my husband and my dad.

It is huge, for a two year old, but even I can stand up in the middle of this and not hit my head. I spent some time sitting in it with Ali while she ran around and around me, there's so much room. I need to get a better picture since half the playhouse is behind a tree from this angle, but holy-moly, this child is thrilled!

This, is a playhouse!
With a "really, really big slide!!!"

Saturday, May 3, 2014

My Favorite Breakfast

Microwave a quarter cup of oatmeal with just enough water to cover it.
Add half a banana
Half of a single serve cup of Motts Natural Applesauce
A Quarter cup of diced prunes (don't judge, they're awesome)
A sprinkle of cinnamon.


Friday, May 2, 2014

30 Day Challenge - Day 9 Rest Day!

I made it to my first rest day on my 30 Day Ab & Squat Challenge.

9 Days into it

Yesterday I was able to comfortably button my pre-baby dress pants. Elle then pooped on me when I dropped her off at Mama T's and I had to go home and change, but, they buttoned.

Today I am wearing pre-baby jeans. Buttoned. They're a little snug and I definitely have a minor muffin top issue going on, but they button.

The scale has been pretty nice to me the last few days too, after three days of the same weight, I count it as for real. One day, that doesn't count and can be a fluke. Three days, it's in the books.

Just for fun, this morning I measured my waist and hips again.

And again.

And again.

I posted on Monday my stats for the month of April, apparently I spoke too soon.

                March               April (28th)      May (2nd)
Weight     135.6                 134.4              132.4
Belly          35"                    34"                  33"
Hips          41.5"                  41"                 40.5"

I just measured again to be sure.

It's a good day.