Ok, Ok, There's an Elephant

Yesterday after posting I went back and reviewed the blog for the last several weeks and noticed a theme. A very cranky theme. When I started this blog I intended for it to be a story of my attempts to keep a clear perspective on the important things in my life, my daughter, my husband, our lives together, our families, etc. I wanted to share my journey through all the aspects of trying to be a healthy, happy mom, wife and individual and really see all those pieces separately and as a whole. The last several weeks have been very negative. Everything I wrote about was a complaint and it was not something I realized I was doing. It was a complete surprise to me to go back and read a month or more of cranky posts. Who wants to read about that??

Here's the deal.

I'm pregnant. :)  (Insert excited squeal here.)

We're so excited. We have been trying for a few months and a couple weeks ago a test came up positive. Completely by surprise. I had no idea that I might be, I've just been taking tests every few weeks for good measure. So, going back over my posts, apparently I've been a little hormonal and a little cranky. Even before I knew I was pregnant I was typing complaining posts.

So, during a month that is specifically and purposely dedicated to giving thanks for the blessings in your life, I have one big, big one that is going to count for every day this month. I am so thankful that our family is growing, that Baby A is going to be a big sister, and I am going to get to experience another pregnancy and feel new life grow within me.

And now, this blog will undergo another change in what that perspective is on life as we journey through the next 9 or so months. I will however, make a very thorough attempt at writing only positive posts. Happy moments with Baby A. Happy moments with my husband. Watching the changes in my body and trying (for the love of all that is holy) not to gain 43 lbs with this second pregnancy!

It's a 'day'

I feeling like I'm having a 'day'. Just a yicky 'day.' Stupid things. I broke my pen. Which in of itself doesn't sound like a big deal. But it was gift that I've had for years, like five or six years. Not only was it a gift, it was a Cartier. I don't own things from Cartier. I realized today that I can't afford to look at their website never mind actually pretend that one day I could spend $400 on a pen. I broke my $400 Cartier gifted pen. I'm kind of just cranky now.

Add to that I've had an on and off eye infection for about two months. My regular eye doctor dropped my vision insurance, but still accepts my medical insurance. So I can go see her for an infection, but not to renew my glasses prescription, which needs to be done also. So I had to go find another doctor to do that, but he didn't want to look at my infection because I'm already seeing the first doctor for that and am 'mid treatment'. Really??  My eyes hurt.

Now, given Thanksgiving is next week, I can't get in to see the new doctor until the week after that. So I can't get an updated glasses prescription to use while taking another round of drops for my eye infection. I have to continue using my 10 year old glasses that are falling apart and at least two prescriptions off my current blindness level.

I'm just cranky.

And I'm cold. I want my blanket.

Is it strange that when I think blanket I automatically start making the sign for it like I was practicing sign language words with Baby A.

What Elephant?

I haven't posted in a few days and have started several but everything keeps coming back to a subject I'm not ready to talk about yet so I keep deleting them.

Baby A is going through a fun stage with her sleep schedule. Naps aren't too bad, but nighttime is miserable. She's purposely keeping herself awake, rocking, bouncing, talking, screaming, whatever, to keep herself up. Her bedtime is 8, and these days she's awake until almost 9. It's a really fun hour. It doesn't seem to matter what we do. Be attentive, ignore her, shush her. It's been a couple months of this and I'm starting to lose my mind. Then I have to stop and remember that some people have children that really don't sleep, ever. Baby A isn't all that bad. It's frustrating because we haven't had many problems with her sleeping, so now, it's like it's magnified. It's this huge looming argument at the end of every day. And every evening I finally sit down around 8:45 feeling like she just totally kicked my ass and that we're going to do this every night for the rest of my life. Last night I had to tag my husband, you're it. I'm out. We've been working on teaching her to lay down in bed and lay still so she can fall asleep. If you're moving, you're not sleeping. If you're not moving, it's easier to fall asleep. It doesn't seem to matter, she's just awake, the whole time. Plus, I can't stop her from moving. I'll think we're doing well and then she'll start clucking her tongue. Or I'll see her little fingers wiggle out the side of the blanket, tap, tap, tapping on the bed. Arghh!!!

Old Lady still has this weird spot on her neck and it's growing. I think she's bothering at it so I've started giving her Benadryl and am going to get some doggy version of 'no more itchies . I had some but it went home with a foster who was having some skin issues at the time. It's starting to look pretty gross and I just can't do another vet visit right now. Especially since Big M has his annual shots in two or three weeks.

I'm tired. And cold, all the damn time. I live in sweatshirts and wool socks these days and my husband just looks at me like I'm out of my mind while I huddle under blankets, for those 5 minutes in the evening that we're baby free. I've lost all my organizational abilities. I can't get out of the house on time to save my life. It took three trips to the store to make a chicken pot pie, (came out really well though). The last trip was mid prep, in the rain, with Baby A who was completely freaked out by my umbrella and didn't want it over her. Had to laugh at that. She just didn't know what it was or why it was there. So funny.

The little things

Last night I had my second Ladies Night Out and it was great. The only problem was that my body hasn't caught up to the time change and at 8:30 in the evening it was saying it's 9:30, bed time. Other than that I met some great women, had fun and was very glad that I went.

I got home around 9 and snuggled on the couch with my hubby and dogs, Baby A was already in bed (good job daddy!). After about 10 minutes I realized that there was about a 12" diameter wet spot on my leg where Old Lady was resting her head. She was drooling uncontrollably. Got up, got her some pepcid and a piece of bread while my husband realized she had been curled up in 'her' chair all evening, checked it and it was completely soaked in drool.

This morning, got Baby A up to find that she had peed through everything last night. Cleaned her up, got her dressed and downstairs with her milk. Went to strip her bedding and start a load of laundry. Came back to find I hadn't screwed the top on the sippy cup completely closed and so Baby A was soaked, again, this time in milk. Fed her breakfast anyway. Back upstairs, cleaned her up, got her dressed. Into my room where she plays while I shower, finally. Got out to find a big ole' stinky diaper, and a baby who needs to be changed. Again.

After realizing there was no way I was making it to work on time, I logged into my email to let a few people know. Old Lady came up to me to say hello and I was scratching her under her chin when I realized there was something there. Apparently her collar has been rubbing and there's a big red raw spot on her neck. Collar off, neosporin on the dog.

Finally got to work, sat at my desk and realized I was thrilled to be here because it's highly unlikely that anyone at the office is going to pee/poop/drool/spill/bleed on me.

Speak up!

All melodrama aside, the election is over and the persistent and obnoxious commercials and phone calls can end.

However, it isn't over yet.

I don't care which way you voted, I'm just glad that you did. I think it was a great year for election numbers and really a very, very close race, but it isn't over yet.

We can not sit back and allow the governing body to go back to it's bickering and stalemate tactics. We must stay involved. We must be a part of the decisions made and make sure that our voice continues to be heard. The finger pointing and  lack of compromise that has persisted in the House and Senate for the last two years is ridiculous and belongs on the elementary school playground, not Washington D.C.

Please know who your local and state officials are. Know how to contact them and know what they're fighting for, because it should be you at the top of their priority list. If you don't remind them of that, who will?

Is today the day the world ends?

Some days I wonder if other people worry about the end of the world like I do. There are so many shows and movies. All kinds of ways for the world to end; Zombies, Disease, Aliens, War, Meteors, Climate change, Infertility, Bombs that you never see coming.

There seem to be so many more cataclysmic events lately, more every year. Tornadoes, Hurricanes, Floods, Tsunami's, Earthquakes, Volcanoes, etc, etc. Does anyone not know someone who has been hit by one of these? I do. I know people who have lost everything they had, home, memories, pets. Have all these things always been this bad and maybe we're just more in-tuned to it now? Media channels are wider, death and destruction equals higher ratings, social media allows for more personal and direct access to the front lines? I don't know, but I don't think that's the only thing. I think things really are worse. And then there's people. All those panicky people. All those angry people, with weapons. Big weapons. And a massive, misplaced, self centered, sense of entitlement.

I worry.

Partially about a devastating sweep of natural events.

Mostly about what people can do to each other, willingly, knowingly, with direct and purposeful intent.

I worry about the election. There are so many people who are so very polarized on today's vote. Will this be the year that someone out there will decide, 'it's my way or no way' and blow something else up should their candidate lose? Am I paranoid for thinking that? I don't know. People have done more over less.

Now, I do not have a panic room in my house and I do not have stores of water and canned goods or an emergency zombie attack kit in my car glove compartment. But I will admit that yesterday I made sure both of our cars have full tanks of gas and my weekend grocery shopping was a little heavier on the nonperishables than normal and I have two full bags of dog food.

I do feel slightly foolish. Most of me knows the unlikelihood of any such event. Most of me knows the world is not going to end tonight, or tomorrow, or next week. Most of me knows, but part of me worries. Is this a complete bastardization of 'Always Be Prepared?' Probably.

But in the back of my head, I know what I would pack, for me, for my daughter. What items are higher priority and what gets left behind. I know what I would grab at the grocery store. I know my house is completely indefensible and I know where I would go.

And I would probably never admit to anyone else that I think these things and am only admitting it here in anonymity.

Oh, and I totally have my Post-Apocalypse outfit picked out.

Under the Influence of Stupid

I think the roadways would be significantly safer if I was allowed to hand out tickets for general stupidity and discourtesy. Here's my list of violations that I consider ticket worthy:

~Going the wrong way down a parking lot with directional arrows and direction specific parking.

~Backing out of your parking spot without looking to see who's walking or backing out of their spot behind you.

~Stopping suddenly in the middle of a lane of moving traffic, with no blinker on, and holding up everyone behind you so you can cut someone else off to take a turn you were about to miss.

~Stopping suddenly in the middle of a lane of moving traffic, with a blinker on, and holding up everyone behind you so you can cut someone else off to take a turn you were about to miss.  Seriously, the blinker doesn't make it better.

~Getting to a 3 way intersection first where you have to turn right or left but  have no blinker on, and then sitting there doing nothing while I (with my blinker on) wait to figure out what the F you're doing and if I can take my turn.

~Coming up on stopped or slow moving traffic at the merging of two lanes and gunning your engine around those of us waiting patiently to merge so you can ride up the breakdown lane and cut off others who have already merged and were thinking they were done.

~Realizing at a stop light that you are in a turn lane (or in a straight lane when you needed to turn) and blocking everyone behind you from making it through the light because you're waiting to be able to move into the lane you should have been in had you been paying attention.

Here's the LAW. If you aren't paying attention while driving and are in the wrong lane, don't, I repeat, DON'T punish the rest of us because you were too busy texting/talking/masturbating while driving. Miss your turn, turn around, come back and do it right. Read the road signs. They're there for a reason. If it says Yield, that means, you wait while I go through an intersection first. If it says '100 feet, right turn only' get out of the f-ing lane ahead of time if that's not a turn you intended to make.

You should know that under my rules, tickets for ignorance of the law and driving while under the influence of stupid have very high costs. I'm thinking around $1000 for the first violation and doubling for every incident after that, i.e. $2000 for the second violation, $4000 for the third and then you're just way too dumb to be driving and need to have your car sold and the proceeds funding local first responders who are the ones cleaning up the mess stupid people make.