Be the spouse you want your children to be

There are so many things to think about as parents. Making sure everyone is healthy, cared for, fed, cleaned, educated, polite, happy, loved, etc, etc. We as parents work so hard to make sure we provide these things for our children and there are so many things that we do subconsciously that really do create models for them as they grow. How and what we eat. Parents who snack have kids who snack. Parents who eat salads and steamed vegetables have kids who eat salads and steamed vegetables. Parents who are active have kids who are active. Everything we do is a lesson to our kids and one of the things that I try to be very aware of is how my husband and I treat each other. Not just in front of our child (soon to be children) but in all instances.

Don't fool yourself. Even if you argue in private, even if you never say a negative word in front of your children, kids know if their parents are getting along. Respect and love are shown in so much more than just words and if you're in a relationship without those things they will know.

Not only will they know, but they will consider it normal.

Modeling a healthy marriage is the best way to help your children grow into adults who have healthy marriages.

Well, 'duh'. Right?

It sounds so easy, but is it?? What is a healthy marriage? How do you know if you have one?

I don’t think that I have the answers to those questions. Really, I’ve been married for 5 years. What do I know?? I took a basic Psychology course in college, but never pursued it further. I have no background or formal education in this area.

I don’t know what the definition is of a healthy marriage or how to identify the characteristics of one.

But I do know what I want for my children.

I want my daughter(s) to find a person who loves and respects her. That easy though. Isn't that what all mothers want for their daughters?

But more than that, I want my daughter to know how to be a good wife.

I want her to be able to communicate without screaming. 

I want her to be able to define and articulate what her needs are to her spouse without being mean, or demeaning, or demanding.

To know how to choose her battles. 

To know when to put her foot down and when to find a middle ground. 

How to reach that middle ground fairly.

How to demonstrate her love and respect for her spouse in appropriate ways that also show love and respect for herself.

Those are all things that I can do, that I can model for her. It is up to me to be the wife who communicates without screaming. It is up to me, to be the wife who can comprise a situation without compromising herself.

In every interaction with my husband, I am modeling a behavior. In how we treat each other and respond to each other's needs, we are modeling a behavior. 

We need to be aware of those behaviors. We need to be sure we know what we’re modeling.

For the mother’s, next time you argue with your husband, think about your son being the person on the other side of that argument. Are you treating your husband the way you want your son’s future wife to treat him? Are you being respectful? Honest? Fair? Are you raising a daughter who is going to treat her husband (someone else’s son) the way you would want your son treated by his wife?

For the father’s with daughters, same question. Put your daughter on the receiving end of that conversation. Are you treating your wife the way you want your daughter treated in her future relationship. Are you calm and respectful? Do you automatically blame or do you share responsibility? Are you raising a son who is going to treat his future wife the way you want your daughter treated in a marriage?

Be the spouse you want your child to be.  

Christmas shopping stage 1

I feel like I am on my way to being fully prepared for Christmas.

I have purchased presents for my sister, Baby A, my Niece J and our good friend's daughter Chubs. I actually got the same thing for all three girls and am so excited!

Are they just the cutest little things!! They're currently on sale at The Children's Place, online. I love that site. The purple leopard is for my niece and my daughter. The flower one is for Chubs.

I've already got some other things too, of course, but I just think these vests are adorable. This is definitely the bad part of shopping so early. Now I have to wait THREE months to give everyone their presents!

I plan on going out this weekend, probably Sunday afternoon to a great antiques and consignment shop that I love, A Classy Flea to see if I can find some things for my mother and my mother in law. They have similar tastes in decorating and I've been with them both to that store several times and never come away empty handed. If you happen to be in the Big Chicken area of Marietta, you HAVE to go and check it out.

I have a spreadsheet with everyone who needs a present and an estimated budget for each person and by the end of October hope to have Baby A, my niece, Chubs, my sister, my parents and my mother in law done. And the dogs too, of course.

I've already told my husband that he is in charge of gifts for his father (the hardest man in the world to shop for) and his siblings.

That sounds fair right?

Mama needs a new pair of shoes

My last pregnancy was in the  middle of the summer. In Georgia. It was hot. Very, very hot. Towards the end I lived in flip flops.

This time around, I'm due in December. Flip flops aren't going to work this time around, even in GA. In addition I am still having some back pain and haven't been able to wear all of my heels. My normal winter footwear typically is closed toed pumps or tall boots. The tall boots I expect to be problematic because of looming weight gain. Last pregnancy I wasn't able to wear any of my boots because my calves were too fat. It was very sad.  :(

I do have some ankle high booties, but, the heels are pretty significant on those so I don't think they're going to work either.

So, I need to go shoe shopping!

I want a pair of low heeled black booties to wear with my leggings and then I also want a pair of shoes to wear with my (maternity) dress pants. This is a dilemma since, they're kind of long. I also don't want to get them hemmed because I plan on selling all this maternity stuff after I make it back into 'real' clothes. I have a pair of shoes now that I can wear with them, platform style that doesn't put a bad angle on my back and keeps the pants from dragging on the floor, but their open toed, cork heel, summer shoes. Cork heels are not as common in winter heels and finding a comfortable platform style shoe to wear while pregnant in the winter, may be a little challenging.

Oh, such problems that I have. :)

How to prepare a two year old for a new baby?

I just googled this. I feel like we're doing all the right things but change is so hard for toddlers. I feel like Baby A is an especially routine child and she reacts so strongly to anything that is out of the ordinary. Last week my husband was home Friday morning during our normal 'get up and out' dance. He wasn't leaving the house until 7:30, was dressed and ready so offered to help with Baby A. I thought that was great. She, did not. I think it would probably have been different if I hadn't been in the house too. But, I was. I was upstairs doing my hair and getting dressed while my husband was downstairs trying to get Baby A to eat her breakfast. Everything he did, she screamed 'No! Mama! No! Mama!' I felt so bad, but I knew intervening wasn't an option. She has to deal with Daddy doing things even if I'm around. Soon I'll be taking care of the new baby and will need him to help with things like getting Baby A up, changed, dressed, fed and out the door. It's easier to let them figure it out now while we're all working on a full nights sleep and not completely stressed out.

Bringing a new baby into the house is probably the biggest thing we could possibly do to disrupt her little world. It kind of breaks my heart for her.

When I googled this I found all kinds of articles about explaining things to your two year old. Telling them what's going on and what changes are coming. I don't know about everyone else's two year olds, but there is no way that Baby A understands what I'm saying when I tell her we're having a baby. She knows what a baby is. And we've told her for months now that there's a baby in Mama's belly. But as far as her making the connection that this baby is coming home with us forever and ever and she's going to have to share attention, there is no way to explain that to a two year old. This is just going to be completely traumatic for her and it kills me.

At the same time, I know she'll get over it and I am so excited that she's going to get to have a little sister. I have a little sister and she is my best friend. I can't imagine my life without her and the fact that Baby A will get to have that relationship too makes me so happy.

We just all have to survive the next two to three years.

Which is probably a little questionable...

Can we start the countdown yet?

I alternate between being ready for having a little baby in the house again and being terrified.

I have eleven weeks to go.

Eleven.

11

That's it.

Some might say, "that's almost three months away, it's so far!"

I say:

1. Halloween
2. Anniversary
3. Thanksgiving
4. Christmas

And all the preparations that all three of those things require.

First of all, it is completely unfair that the stores are currently loaded with candy. Exactly how does anyone expect me to buy Halloween candy now and actually have any of it on hand when trick-or-treaters come around?? Not that we get any, we live in the middle of a massive, steep hill that no rational child or even adventurous teen is willing to climb just for candy.

Secondly, we have to come up with Baby A's Halloween costume and figure out what we're going to do that night. At 2, she's not really old enough to actually go trick or treating, so, I don't know, maybe we go to a few homes we know and call that quits. My in laws are actually going to be down that week, so maybe we'll find something fun to do.

Oh that's right. My in laws are coming down that week because Halloween is also Mama T's birthday and she takes it off every year. So my MIL is coming down to watch Baby A for those few days. Overall, very cool. I'm happy they're coming and they will be on hand for our five year anniversary. Built in babysitters! Too bad I'll be even more hugely pregnant by then and not able to really enjoy it all that much.

Thankfully my husband has taken over the anniversary plans. I was starting to stress about it, because it is a 'number'. It's our fifth and I wanted to try and do something, but, what am I going to do that I can actually enjoy?? He cut short the stress avalanche that was looming and said he had some ideas and that he would take care of it. Fortunately I can actually take that off my plate for worries. I know some women would probably stress even more if their husbands said that they were handling plans for their anniversary, but he does a good job when it comes to these things, so other than show up, I'm hoping I don't have a whole lot more for expectations.

Then there's Thanksgiving which I've pretty much decided we're not traveling for. At that point I will only be about 4 weeks away from my due date and given my current size, I can't imagine I will be at all comfortable driving four or five hours to TN to spend the holiday with my husband's family. Plus there's so much involved, dogs, Baby A, shared food responsibilities and the prep/time/effort that goes into it. I'd rather stay home and have a turkey sandwich. Not that we will be that sad. I'm sure my parents are planning on staying in GA also and we'll probably do something small and then expect to see a few of the In-law crowd in the days afterwards.

Then we hit December and it's an all out sprint to the finish. To start with, the nursery is currently closed. Shut. Does not exist. We moved Baby A into her 'big girl room' and shut the door on the nursery. It will stay that way until after Thanksgiving. So, come December, I need to get back in there and get shit together. I have started buying diapers, but I need to get the clothes out and organized. The drawers stocked and the room decorated. I moved a lot of the decorations to Baby A's new room and so want to get a few things that are just for this new little girl, as opposed to all hand me down leftovers.

I also need to pull all the boxes out of the basement and all that 'little' baby stuff out, cleaned and organized. Bottles, pacifiers, bumpers, bouncy seats, swings, baby blankets, bassinets, all of it. It needs to be washed and put back together and then, the fun part, finding a spot to put all that in the midst of Baby A's toys and the dog's toys and beds, etc, etc. My Sister in Law is coming down to help with that some weekend after Thanksgiving. She's been offering to do something to help and I said here's what I need to do, come on down!

Add to that the required Christmas parties. Hopefully my company isn't doing anything, partly because if we were, I'd need to know about it around two months ago to actually start planning something. I know my husband is going to want to attend whatever function his company has, which will be awesome, because I will be huge. And we have the party with Mama T and all the kids which is easy and fun and hopefully not on the same night as my husbands party.

Plus Christmas shopping. And decorating. And cards. I'm actually starting the shopping now. I'm not waiting until December to do this. I hope to have the majority of it done this month and then only have my husband left to shop for later. He's a stinker and if I get him something this far ahead of time he will either A) find it, B) guess what it is or C) end up buying one for himself in the meantime.

So really, with everything else that's going on, 11 weeks is not a lot of time.

Swaddle Problems

Baby A has her blankies. They are the swaddle blankets that I bought for her and they've been in her crib and now in her big girl bed basically since she was born. She has a funny habit of sleeping with a blanket over her face. Yes, it's completely disconcerting as a parent to have your child's face covered, but I learned pretty quickly that it was done by choice and unless I wanted a screaming infant, to let her do her own thing.

Now that I think about it, that seems to be a pretty standard mantra with her.

Buy anyway, this was when she was old enough to be fairly mobile in her crib, not a newborn, so the risk of suffocation was pretty low, but, to ease my own anxiety I would give her the light, linen swaddle blankets that were easy to breath through.

These have turned into her blankies and overall I'm very happy with the fact that we have four of them. I know parents who've dealt with horror situations where the one and only 'thing' has disappeared, whether it's a blanket, toy, pacifier, doll, animal, etc, etc. When there's only one, and it's gone, there can be no good outcome 99% of the time.

Baby A has four and they're completely interchangeable. She has no preferences. All in all, not that bad.

They're a perfect size too. Somewhere around 36x36 or 40x40. I found that size to be really perfect when you're swaddling a 5 lb infant. They're kind of little and the more standard size of 46x46 was really a lot of extra material. We had one of those too, but rarely used it because we'd have to wrap it around her ten times.

Well, now that we have baby #2 on the way, we always knew we were going to have to buy new swaddle blankets. There's just no way Baby A is going to give up hers, which I wouldn't expect anyway, but overall my thought process was to get the same type but in new colors/patterns so they looked completely different.

And there's the problem.

I can't find them.

Anywhere.

Ok, anywhere means they're not on Amazon and not on Target.com. That to me is pretty much the entire universe of online shopping.

I suppose I could go into a Target and actually look for them (argh) but I think I'd rather just complain about it. Plus if I go into Target, I never leave with just what I need. I always have to pick up a few things that jump off the shelves and into my cart and I'm just not ready to do that yet. Especially since I did it last weekend. I went in to buy pajama's for Baby A and left $90 later...yeah, *sigh* that's just how it goes and actually 'only' $90 is a pretty light day for Target.

I will probably have to cave and go in search of them because I really do love that size and while they're not the 'popular' brand right now (hello aden!) that's really what I want.

Sleep is for the weak

I've been fighting a cold again this week. Has been the same sore throat and cough that started my last two week long head cold. Hopefully this one will be a shorter version but even so with the coughing I've had trouble sleeping. Even with medication, I'm still up most of the night. It's not just the coughing that's keeping me up though. Add to that an amazingly active baby who is large enough now to really make an impact on my comfort at night, multiple trips to the bathroom, leg cramps and of course the Braxton Hicks contractions are making another appearance. They had settled down for several weeks and while I had them occasionally, they were pretty minor and short lived. These are waking me up at night and making my entire day pretty uncomfortable.

Yesterday apparently I hit such a wall in the sleep deprivation category that I ended up with a severe migraine with blurred vision for about two hours in the afternoon. I gave up after food, water and Tylenol didn't help and waited until I could see well enough to drive home. I then slept for an hour and a half and felt better. Not great, but better.

When I was pregnant with Baby A I didn't really have any trouble sleeping at night. She never kept me awake and after she was born, she settled into a nighttime sleep routine pretty quickly. By 8 weeks she was sleeping 6 hour stretch at night and by 12 weeks she was at 8 hours.

I have a feeling that this baby's nightly route will be significantly different.