Fashionista

I have a fashionista. Which is a problem. Because I want to buy her cute little outfits that I think are adorable.

And then she won't wear them.

Do you see this completely adorable outfit?

My sister in law got her that for Easter and I had to fight tooth and nail to get her to wear it to church last week. It is so stinking cute and she got so many compliments during church. She couldn't get out of it fast enough once we were home. I was lucky to get the picture. Notice I did NOT get a smile.

Last week I got some fun things at Old Navy, one of my most favorite places to shop for the girls. Well priced, cute and durable and if they destroy it (which Elle does all the stinking time!) it's not that big a loss.

This dress was a clear winner and Ali immediately put it on, thrilled for the pink lacy tutu.

However I was super excited about this little shirt and leggings set I picked out.

Yeah, she took one look at the top and announced "I don't like it."

*sigh*

It's not fair. I should have had at least two or three more years before we hit this phase. Right??

The problem with reading memoirs

I am nearing the end of a wonderful book that I have thoroughly enjoyed by Billy Crystal. It's called Still Foolin' Em and is basically his life story with so many wonderful details about all the movies, shows and moments that have made up his career.

The problem is, it's so well done, and so well written I feel like I'm one of the many 'smart, kind and caring' friends (a phrase he uses a lot) that have actually participated in this amazing life and career. The personal level of detail he shares is stunning.

Some of it is funny, some of it is sad, some of it I agree with and some of it I don't. Apparently Billy has a problem with pit bulls, so that's on my radar now and can never be unsaid.

But his passion for baseball is palpable and I was literally watching the Braves game last night like it was something new and different, all from listening to someone profess their love of  the game.

His love of his family and especially his wife is genuine and endearing and so lacking in the general Hollywood crowd that it's refreshing.

Not that I would ever have a run in with Mr Crystal, but if I did, I have this fear that I'd call out like we were old friends and say something like 'so how's the batting cage, still out hitting?' Or 'how's those grand babies?' As if I knew them.

If you're looking for a fun, easy read, it's extremely worthwhile.

Still Foolin' 'Em

Lunch Anxiety

This Friday I am having a lunch/play date with Max's mom. She has an older daughter, 8 or so, and her baby who is just a few months older than Elle. She's bringing her kids and I'm bringing mine.

I am excited to see her and spend time with her, but I am super anxious about it too.

I have seen her several times since Max died, and I've brought Elle with me before, but not Ali.

Ali has not seen Max's mom since the day of the accident at Mama T's.

This has partly been due to a lack of opportunity. But partly because I was afraid that Ali would tell her about that day.

I know she has young nieces and nephews that are about Ali's age (Max's age) and that she has probably had to field questions from them about where he is and what happened. But Ali saw it happen. She has told me about it and some of the things she told me at the time were upsetting. She didn't know what she saw or what it meant, but she knew that it upset me and that was really hard for both of us.

I did tell Max's mom that Ali saw the accident and most of what she said to me about it. Not all. It actually changed some things about that day that were assumed and I felt she needed to know. But some of it I knew would be hurtful to hear and so I kept those pieces to myself.

I'm afraid she's going to see Max's mom and have that reminder, that link back to that day and some of those memories, which haven't surfaced for quite some time, will come back.

She does still remember and every once in a while she'll tell me a boy got stuck at Mama T's house. But she doesn't really remember Max all that clearly. She couldn't tell me his name but could tell me that he got stuck and that I was sad. For her that was the biggest trauma of the day, my reactions. Hindsight being what it is, I wish I kept myself together a little more when I was in front of Ali, but you can't know how you'll react to such a situation.

All this worry may be for nothing, but I know I"m going to have this roll in my belly all week as I think about the things that Ali told me of that day, and what she may say to Max's mom.

11:29

Maybe I needed to tap into my competitive nature to really figure out how to enjoy running.

Maybe I needed my fancy super supportive running shoes.

Maybe I needed the awesome app to show me how far and long I was running.

I think it was mostly the awesome app. I had always run on a treadmill so I could see how far I'd gone and have a nice little calorie counter there to show me how many glasses of wine I could drink that evening. But running on a treadmill is an incredibly different experience.

Like, really, really different.

I still like the treadmill but it feels a whole lot different to actually move your body instead of having something under you move with or without your assistance.

Yesterday I ran a mile without walking at an 11:29 pace.

I ran a total of 1.64 miles in 20 minutes (with a little bit of walking).

Right now I'm mostly limited by the fact that I have to pick up the girls and depending on when I get out of the office, that determines the amount of time I have to run. But I'm increasing my pace and increasing the distance I can run in a given time period.

I'm gaining actual confidence in my ability to run and I'm having fun.

Those are things I never would have expected from running.

Getting my motivation back

After being out of town on a work trip for a week.

Then home on my own with the girls for the weekend.

Then crazy busy at work catching up.

Then sick.

It's been really hard to maintain any semblance of diet or exercise plan and I"m up almost 3 lbs from where I had been at the beginning of April. *blech*

I also feel slower, heavier and completely unmotivated.

So, I just bought a bathing suit.

A once piece, not a biniki, but still. Something to hang on the door and stare at, knowing I have to wear that sucker in a few months (weeks).

Pretty basic, nice low back though, I don't like the high back suits.

So, that's the plan.

Run more.

Eat less.

Five weeks until pool season begins.

Silly picture of Ali.

We're having some work done on the house and my husband couldn't resist snapping some shots of her on the bobcat the workers left yesterday. Wait until you see all the changes we've done the last few weeks, it's pretty exciting!

A week's perspective

I was out of town this whole last week at a convention for work. It's one I've attended for probably 8 or 9 years. I got out of the one last year because Elle was only about 12 or 13 weeks old and I had only been back from maternity leave for 5 minutes or so. The year before, we just had Ali and I shortened my trip. I flew out Tuesday morning and came back Thursday evening, so really my husband only had her for three days.

This year I didn't have any good excuse not to go (I should preface this by saying my boss and his wife left their four children at home with the grandparents, so my little two, home with Daddy, weren't on their radar as unmanageable) and after missing the trade show last year, I really did feel like I was behind the whole rest of the year and had missed out on the details of so much.

So we called in back up and my mother was around Monday and Tuesday. My mother in law was around Tuesday evening through Friday morning.

I flew out Monday morning and came back Friday afternoon.

Five.

Whole.

Days!

Usually these trade shows involve pre dinner parties, dinner parties and after parties and in previous years (i.e. in my twenties) I would participate in all happily and enthusiastically. I'm sure there are still some stories out there...that I don't want to remember.

This year I still went to the dinners, but managed to skip out on all the after parties and went to bed, sober, at a reasonable time every night except one. That one was a late night, but still sober.

And each morning I got up.

In my hotel room.

BY MYSELF.

And enjoyed a quiet cup of coffee.

BY MYSELF.

And took a shower.

BY MYSELF.

It was a little piece of heaven.

It was also a whole heck of a lot of work, long days, tired feet, sore back and missing my babies every single minute of the day...except for about an hour each morning. Where I reveled in the quiet.

When I got back on Friday I picked up the girls from school a little early and it was wonderful. The best reception I could have asked for. Ali kept squealing 'You Came Back!' As if she were worried I wouldn't. And Elle ran to me, stopped short, looked at me, flung herself around my neck and cried. It  was so sweet. It was like she couldn't quite deal, it was too much, she was so happy to see me, tears.

And then this morning:

Elle knocked my coffee cup and dumped it all down the front of me.

And then, while I was in the shower, Ali opened the door and asked to join me.

Yep. I'm home!!

I truly missed those two little silly gooses. but I think every mom needs a few days of quiet coffee and solo showers.

Did I mention?

So I've actually been doing the whole Dinner...Done blog pretty regularly too.

Last week I didn't do a full dinner since it was a holiday weekend and we had plans the whole time, but I did try and LOVE this Deviled Egg Recipe from iamafoodblog.com.

I MADE THESE!! Aren't they pretty!! And so yummy!

I am so in love with her recipes and she has a book! That is totally on my Christmas list for this year.

Such fun!