It hurts. It actually hurts to look at my hand and only see one ring instead of two.
I can't believe I lost it. That it's gone. It's so unreal.
How could I have lost something that is such a part of my finger? It's attached. It's a piece of me. It's gone. How could I have been so careless?
I took Cleary out for a walk on Tuesday and half way down the hill from our house realized I hadn't taken my rings off. I don't like wearing my rings when I'm out running or walking in the heat. My fingers swell and it's uncomfortable. I usually leave them in a box in my kitchen. Tuesday I forgot to take them off before leaving the house and with Cleary there's no turning around. Not an option, he'd put the brakes on and it would be a fight all the way back up to the house.
So, I took off my rings and stuck them in my arm band that holds my phone, just tucked them in behind my phone and off we went.
We got down to the lake, went only part way around and then started heading back when my phone rang.
I pulled it out of the arm band and answered it.
Not even given half a thought to what was in with my phone.
I got back to the house and only had my engagement band.
Of course I immediately ran back down there (without the dog) and checked everywhere I had walked, but didn't find it.
I then had to pick up the girls and after I had stuffed dinner in them, rather literally, I dragged them back down to the lake and the three of us walked the path again and still didn't find anything.
I called my husband and he stopped at the lake on the way home and he checked too.
No ring.
We've put up flyers, posted the loss on the neighborhood facebook page, emailed the community director in case someone contacted her about finding a ring.
No ring.
I don't know what to do. I don't know that I want a new band. I want my old band.
The one I got married in. That my husband put on my finger.
The one I took off my finger and lost.
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Thursday, June 2, 2016
Hello Summer - Good bye Preschool
I definitely fell off the blog bandwagon for a while. The month of May seems to have disappeared. Memorial Day has come and gone and summer is definitely here, officially or not, 92 degree days and afternoon thunderstorms says summer to me.
I haven't been writing because I haven't had much to say I guess.
Things are good. Normal. Quiet.
I hit my weight goals and have comfortably maintained them.
The girls are good. Lizzy is still two, so there's that level of challenge but on most days she's still a pretty reasonable little girl.
Ali 'graduated' from preschool and will be heading to kindergarten in August.
*shudder*
That wierds me out in such a major way. She'll be riding the bus. To school. With kids. Big kids. Mean kids. Nice kids. All kids. I'm not sure I'm ready for this. I'm not sure she's ready for this. She can't tie her shoes. Shouldn't a kindergartner know how to do that? Am I failing as a parent because she doesn't?
I've been teaching her to open her own applesauce without making a mess, so I can send applesauce to school with her. How to open granola bar wrappers, because I've always done it. I worry she won't be able to open a Tupperware container with her lunch in it.
Am I completely ridiculous to be stressing about this.
Yes.
Probably.
Will I stop.
No.
Probably not.
I'm having actual nightmares about putting her on the bus and having her sob so hard the other kids make fun of her.
In short. I think I have officially turned into my mother. And my grandfather. Expert worriers about absolutely everything they have no control over.
Excuse me, I need to go have a panic attack.
I haven't been writing because I haven't had much to say I guess.
Things are good. Normal. Quiet.
I hit my weight goals and have comfortably maintained them.
The girls are good. Lizzy is still two, so there's that level of challenge but on most days she's still a pretty reasonable little girl.
Ali 'graduated' from preschool and will be heading to kindergarten in August.
*shudder*
That wierds me out in such a major way. She'll be riding the bus. To school. With kids. Big kids. Mean kids. Nice kids. All kids. I'm not sure I'm ready for this. I'm not sure she's ready for this. She can't tie her shoes. Shouldn't a kindergartner know how to do that? Am I failing as a parent because she doesn't?
I've been teaching her to open her own applesauce without making a mess, so I can send applesauce to school with her. How to open granola bar wrappers, because I've always done it. I worry she won't be able to open a Tupperware container with her lunch in it.
Am I completely ridiculous to be stressing about this.
Yes.
Probably.
Will I stop.
No.
Probably not.
I'm having actual nightmares about putting her on the bus and having her sob so hard the other kids make fun of her.
In short. I think I have officially turned into my mother. And my grandfather. Expert worriers about absolutely everything they have no control over.
Excuse me, I need to go have a panic attack.
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Cleary
Well, I knew it wasn't going to last long, but even I was surprised at how quickly we found a new dog to be part of our family. I didn't think my husband would be that interested but I think it's been strange and hard for all of us to not have a dog in the house.
So, meet Cleary!
He is awesome!
He is a 5 year old boxer mix who was with a rescue group here in GA. He'd been there for over a year and apparently dogs who are older than 2 or 3 have a harder time getting adopted. Everyone wants a younger dog. I have to admit when I started the search I was looking for 2 or 3 year old dogs and so he didn't come up on my radar. We went to an adoption event to meet one particular dog who ended up not being there. But Cleary was! He climbed into my husbands lap, washed his face, and we were sold.
He is so good it's amazing. I can't image who wouldn't have wanted this dog. He is so loving and so sweet. Loves everyone he meets and really thinks he's a lap dog.
It's definitely strange to have a dog in the house that isn't Murphy and while it's nice there's definitely a level of guilt and relief involved. Relief that I can invite my neighbors to the house without having to worry about Murphy biting someone. Guilt that I am relieved he's no longer with us.
But, at the end of they day, when I'm snuggled into my chair with Cleary tucked in with me, I know it was the right decision for everyone and he's going to be a great family member. We just have to work on his running skills. He tends to want to chase squirrels.
So, meet Cleary!
He is awesome!
He is a 5 year old boxer mix who was with a rescue group here in GA. He'd been there for over a year and apparently dogs who are older than 2 or 3 have a harder time getting adopted. Everyone wants a younger dog. I have to admit when I started the search I was looking for 2 or 3 year old dogs and so he didn't come up on my radar. We went to an adoption event to meet one particular dog who ended up not being there. But Cleary was! He climbed into my husbands lap, washed his face, and we were sold.
He is so good it's amazing. I can't image who wouldn't have wanted this dog. He is so loving and so sweet. Loves everyone he meets and really thinks he's a lap dog.
It's definitely strange to have a dog in the house that isn't Murphy and while it's nice there's definitely a level of guilt and relief involved. Relief that I can invite my neighbors to the house without having to worry about Murphy biting someone. Guilt that I am relieved he's no longer with us.
But, at the end of they day, when I'm snuggled into my chair with Cleary tucked in with me, I know it was the right decision for everyone and he's going to be a great family member. We just have to work on his running skills. He tends to want to chase squirrels.
Love car rides. Hops right up and knows his seat is in the back.
Loves coming to work with me and after playing for a bit, takes a little nap.
Really wants to be a lap dog.
Cleary selfie!
Monday, March 28, 2016
Back on the wagon
Even with the extra wine and mild depression the last couple of weeks I have maintained the 121 lb status. The last two mornings it was actually a little lower...but I don't want to make that official yet. I'm sure it was a fluke.
It's been a very hard week without Big M and not having a dog in the house at all has been strange, and messy. I had no idea just how much food this family drops! It's crazy.
But, it's time to get serious again now and get the wine off the menu. There isn't any in the house right now and will stay that way.
I did have an exciting moment this weekend when I started pulling out my summer clothes and found that a bunch of things that didn't fit last summer, fit awesome now. It was such a good feeling!
Thankfully the weather is supposed to be nice this week and I hope to get in a couple good runs and hopefully a Daily Burn workout. I am really loving those. They add a great strength training aspect that hits a lot of muscle groups I don't normally get to with just running and yoga. Lots of core work and I'm hoping that helps tone up my belly.
It's been awesome to see results and continue to maintain them.
It's been a very hard week without Big M and not having a dog in the house at all has been strange, and messy. I had no idea just how much food this family drops! It's crazy.
But, it's time to get serious again now and get the wine off the menu. There isn't any in the house right now and will stay that way.
I did have an exciting moment this weekend when I started pulling out my summer clothes and found that a bunch of things that didn't fit last summer, fit awesome now. It was such a good feeling!
Thankfully the weather is supposed to be nice this week and I hope to get in a couple good runs and hopefully a Daily Burn workout. I am really loving those. They add a great strength training aspect that hits a lot of muscle groups I don't normally get to with just running and yoga. Lots of core work and I'm hoping that helps tone up my belly.
It's been awesome to see results and continue to maintain them.
Thursday, March 24, 2016
5 Pounds
I have officially lost 5 pounds since the beginning of the year.
It's taken almost three months, but they are those last, few, stubborn, really critical to clothes fitting well pounds.
And my clothes...fit well.
My tight pants...are loose.
My love handles are...smaller. I'm not going to say gone but they're really close to gone and at this point the scale isn't going to be the factor for changing that.
I will admit I have not had as many wine free nights in the last two weeks that I had originally planned, however, I have also not over indulged and I have lots of good emotional backup for crawling into a glass of wine in the evening. (I miss my Murphy so much)
Jeans I bought just after Christmas are just a little loose and my normal every day jeans are almost big enough to look sloppy, which is good and bad. I still like those jeans. It's cool that they're big, but they're good jeans.
I've been keeping up with 1-2 Daily Burn workouts a week. If I only do 2 they're both 30-45 minute ones, if i can fit in more than that I typically start adding the 15-20 minute ones as I can. I've been out running at least once a week, usually twice and I love my fitbit. LOVE my fitbit!
Technically I only have one more pound left to go to hit my all time, ultimate, final goal weight which is what I was when I got married. My body isn't quite in the same condition as it was then and my belly is still just not what I was hoping for but there's still room to improve.
My real problem is just the extra saggy sink at my belly from the two pregnancies. I don't think any amount of crunches, running, dieting, etc is going to help that. We'll see. Not giving up yet and would love any miracle products you know of to help tighten up saggy skin.
Overall, feeling very fit and content.
It's taken almost three months, but they are those last, few, stubborn, really critical to clothes fitting well pounds.
And my clothes...fit well.
My tight pants...are loose.
My love handles are...smaller. I'm not going to say gone but they're really close to gone and at this point the scale isn't going to be the factor for changing that.
I will admit I have not had as many wine free nights in the last two weeks that I had originally planned, however, I have also not over indulged and I have lots of good emotional backup for crawling into a glass of wine in the evening. (I miss my Murphy so much)
Jeans I bought just after Christmas are just a little loose and my normal every day jeans are almost big enough to look sloppy, which is good and bad. I still like those jeans. It's cool that they're big, but they're good jeans.
I've been keeping up with 1-2 Daily Burn workouts a week. If I only do 2 they're both 30-45 minute ones, if i can fit in more than that I typically start adding the 15-20 minute ones as I can. I've been out running at least once a week, usually twice and I love my fitbit. LOVE my fitbit!
Technically I only have one more pound left to go to hit my all time, ultimate, final goal weight which is what I was when I got married. My body isn't quite in the same condition as it was then and my belly is still just not what I was hoping for but there's still room to improve.
My real problem is just the extra saggy sink at my belly from the two pregnancies. I don't think any amount of crunches, running, dieting, etc is going to help that. We'll see. Not giving up yet and would love any miracle products you know of to help tighten up saggy skin.
Overall, feeling very fit and content.
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Good bye My Murphy
Last Friday we said good bye to our Big M. My Murphy man, big bubba. He had just fallen apart and was struggling just to make it through the day any more.
We had our vet come out to our house because the vet's office scared Murphy so badly I couldn't stand the idea of bringing him there for his last moments.
The day had started off cloudy and cool but at 11 the sun came out and we spent almost an hour sitting outside with Murphy letting him sniff and enjoy the sun. It was heartbreaking to lose him and the hardest part of being a dog owner but I do feel that it was the right decision, it was his time.
It's been so hard on my husband. Murphy was his buddy and the loss has been rough.
Surprisingly Lizzy hasn't had much reaction at all. I had expected her to be concerned that he wasn't around anymore but she hasn't mentioned it at all and just keeps going like all is normal. I guess when you're two, it is normal.
Ali has also surprised me. She has never been that much of a dog person and both Murphy and our previous dog Maggie were always just background input for her, there, but not that important. When I first told her that Murphy had died, she cried but was mostly confused and kept asking 'so, we don't have a dog anymore?' And was more concerned about the change in the family identity, as one with a dog to one without, than she was about losing Murphy. After a couple days she processed it a bit more and started asking about Murphy more specifically, and saying she missed him and wanted him back.
Four year old's are a tough mix of emotional and literal.
I told her that Murphy had died and gone to heaven. Her response was that she wished heaven wasn't so far away because she missed Murphy and wanted him back. I told her heaven wasn't far, that heaven was in our hearts and Murphy would always be with her. She asked, isn't it dark in there? (i.e. Murphy is in her heart, in a literal sense.) It's awfully hard to cry and laugh at the same time while trying to stay serious with a four year old asking questions about death and heaven.
She asked if I could make a picture for her of Murphy so when she missed him she could look at it. Sometimes it is amazing to me how God puts things in our way. Friday morning getting ready for school, the girls watched a disney show about being homesick and the little girl drew a picture of her family to have with her when she missed them. I told her that was perfect and I would be happy to make a picture of her and Murphy.
We had our vet come out to our house because the vet's office scared Murphy so badly I couldn't stand the idea of bringing him there for his last moments.
The day had started off cloudy and cool but at 11 the sun came out and we spent almost an hour sitting outside with Murphy letting him sniff and enjoy the sun. It was heartbreaking to lose him and the hardest part of being a dog owner but I do feel that it was the right decision, it was his time.
It's been so hard on my husband. Murphy was his buddy and the loss has been rough.
Surprisingly Lizzy hasn't had much reaction at all. I had expected her to be concerned that he wasn't around anymore but she hasn't mentioned it at all and just keeps going like all is normal. I guess when you're two, it is normal.
Ali has also surprised me. She has never been that much of a dog person and both Murphy and our previous dog Maggie were always just background input for her, there, but not that important. When I first told her that Murphy had died, she cried but was mostly confused and kept asking 'so, we don't have a dog anymore?' And was more concerned about the change in the family identity, as one with a dog to one without, than she was about losing Murphy. After a couple days she processed it a bit more and started asking about Murphy more specifically, and saying she missed him and wanted him back.
Four year old's are a tough mix of emotional and literal.
I told her that Murphy had died and gone to heaven. Her response was that she wished heaven wasn't so far away because she missed Murphy and wanted him back. I told her heaven wasn't far, that heaven was in our hearts and Murphy would always be with her. She asked, isn't it dark in there? (i.e. Murphy is in her heart, in a literal sense.) It's awfully hard to cry and laugh at the same time while trying to stay serious with a four year old asking questions about death and heaven.
She asked if I could make a picture for her of Murphy so when she missed him she could look at it. Sometimes it is amazing to me how God puts things in our way. Friday morning getting ready for school, the girls watched a disney show about being homesick and the little girl drew a picture of her family to have with her when she missed them. I told her that was perfect and I would be happy to make a picture of her and Murphy.
We miss you Murphy and will see you again.
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
One bad weekend
One bad weekend and I start sliding back up the scale. Very upsetting. I have to admit I way, way overindulged this past weekend though.
We had a little party for Lizzy, who's birthday is just after Christmas. We only just now got around to having a party and it was so fun. Three of her little friends from school came and it was hysterical having four two year old's run around the house, and around, and around, and around...!!!!
There were going to be 15-17 people or so and I decided not to cook and got Moe's to cater. Fan-stinkin'-tastic decision on my part, let me just say. However, it also meant I had oodles of chips and queso around the house that I LOVE and snacked on all weekend. Along with a Oreo Brownie Trifle that I made for one of the little girls who can't have eggs, the brownies were made with zucchini instead of eggs and were awesome. Then of course I stayed up way, way too late every night with my mother in law and sister in law drinking too much wine.
Come Monday morning I was back up two of of the four pounds I had lost. Grrr. But after limiting wine on Sunday and having a completely clean day yesterday, along with a good run, woke up this morning back down one of those. Got to get rid of that second one though.
Really I am only about two pounds away from my ultimate weight goal. After that it will just be toning to get things back where they need to be for the summer.
My run yesterday was slower than I had been doing, but it's been two weeks since I ran.
Today my goal is to do a 45 minute Daily Burn workout. I might even do it outside on the deck because it's beautiful out! It's tempting to do another run instead because the weather is perfect, but, just running isn't going to get the results that I want. A 45 minute cardio class will burn over 400 calories whereas my runs tend to do 250 or so. Have to get used to doing the harder option.
This year I am going to be ready for summer and I am going to get my body back.
Twelve weeks til June.
We had a little party for Lizzy, who's birthday is just after Christmas. We only just now got around to having a party and it was so fun. Three of her little friends from school came and it was hysterical having four two year old's run around the house, and around, and around, and around...!!!!
There were going to be 15-17 people or so and I decided not to cook and got Moe's to cater. Fan-stinkin'-tastic decision on my part, let me just say. However, it also meant I had oodles of chips and queso around the house that I LOVE and snacked on all weekend. Along with a Oreo Brownie Trifle that I made for one of the little girls who can't have eggs, the brownies were made with zucchini instead of eggs and were awesome. Then of course I stayed up way, way too late every night with my mother in law and sister in law drinking too much wine.
Come Monday morning I was back up two of of the four pounds I had lost. Grrr. But after limiting wine on Sunday and having a completely clean day yesterday, along with a good run, woke up this morning back down one of those. Got to get rid of that second one though.
Really I am only about two pounds away from my ultimate weight goal. After that it will just be toning to get things back where they need to be for the summer.
My run yesterday was slower than I had been doing, but it's been two weeks since I ran.
Today my goal is to do a 45 minute Daily Burn workout. I might even do it outside on the deck because it's beautiful out! It's tempting to do another run instead because the weather is perfect, but, just running isn't going to get the results that I want. A 45 minute cardio class will burn over 400 calories whereas my runs tend to do 250 or so. Have to get used to doing the harder option.
This year I am going to be ready for summer and I am going to get my body back.
Twelve weeks til June.
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