Old Habits

Today I was checking out at the grocery store and was chatting with the check out lady.

We talked about the weather, and then on dogs and rescue groups and after a few minutes of the conversation I realized I kept referencing my dogs.

But I don't have 'dogs'.

I have 'dog.'

One.

Once I realized it, I couldn't go back. I kept talking about my 'dogs'. It hurt too much to change and correct myself. And then she asked me, how many dogs do you have, and I said two. It just came out.

I then told her all about my two boxers. My old lady and my Big M and I kept talking about my Old Lady like she was still here. My heart was breaking inside and I couldn't stop. Once I started, I just kept going and then couldn't go back because then I just felt foolish.

I cried all the way home.

I lost my Old Lady on February 1st. It's been almost three months and I still haven't adjusted to saying dog instead of dogs. My dogs.

I'm still sitting here crying. Looking over at my Big M sitting in the shaft of sunlight coming in the window. There are two windows in the office, there are two shafts of sunlight and there used to be a dog in each one.

There is still such a hole in my life from losing her.

I miss her so much.