Max

It's so hard to put into writing what happened at Mama T's almost three weeks ago now. It's hard to believe it's already been that long.

Ali and Max have been together at Mama T's since they were infants. They were best friends. They would walk around her yard holding hands. During the Easter Egg hunt in April Ali and Max traded their eggs so he could have all the blue ones and she could have all the pink ones. Not a day goes by that Max isn't mentioned in some way. He has been such a huge part of her little world. And now he is gone.

Max died on July 9th.

It was such a terrible accident, but it truly was an accident. The investigation is still going on but they expect to have a final resolution to it by August 4th. At that time we'll know if any charges will be filed. As far as we know it is being looked at as an accident and we don't believe Mama T will be charged with anything. Max's family is not pressing charges and know that it was an accident.

Right now Mama T is closed and has to remain closed during the investigation. I've been staying in close touch with her and the other moms and we're not sure that even if she is allowed to reopen, if she'd have the heart to. This has hurt her so much, I just don't think she'll ever recover. I don't know if she'll ever trust herself again or be emotionally ready to have kids her in house again. At the end of the day though, I just don't see how the state daycare licensing board can ever allow her to reopen. The legality of it is too big and I don't think it's a decision that Mama T is going to have to make.

We've been very lucky to have family close by and my in laws came down for part of a week to help us with the girls while we find some place else to put them.

Ali is almost three and we had planned on looking for a preschool soon but as a part time thing, two or three days a week with her still at Mama T's in the afternoons. Clearly that's not an option now.

So, she started at school last week. I am very happy we were able to find one so quickly and it is super close to our house. They do have infant programs too and Elle will start full time next week. They only had a part time spot for her through July. It's a family owned school, two cousins who are teachers. It's set up very well and it has a 2 1/2 year old class that prepares the kids for preschool. Works on getting them potty trained and used to a 'school' environment so it's not as big a change when they move up a level.

I have visited with Mama T and I have visited with Max's family. Max has a little brother who is Elle's age. He will now grow up never knowing his older brother.

My heart is so broken for everyone involved.

Ali & Max last fall

The whole crew at Mama T's at Easter. That's Ali and Max looking at each other instead of the camera, and the two babies are Max's little brother checking out Elle instead of the camera.

How do you heal from something like this? I have my girls. I am so, so, so grateful that I have my girls. My heart has hurt so badly for Max that I am terrified of what would happen to me should it have been one of mine instead. But I can't go down that road. The 'what if' game is so dangerous. What if it had been Ali. It could have been. So very, very easily. I just can't start that thought.

I have my girls. My amazing beautiful girls and I will treasure every minute with them knowing it can all be taken away so quickly, and so easily.

Tragedy and a break

I can't get into the details right now. I don't have all the details, there are so many things in the air and unknown.

My girls are fine.

There was a terrible, terrible accident at Mama T's on Tuesday. Ali's best friend was hurt very badly and it's not expected that he will make it.

I can't do this right now. My heart is broken and so unbelievably thankful all at the same time and I am so overwhelmed that I can't think straight.

Please, hug your babies and say a prayer for Max, and his family.

I think it will be a while before I post anything again.

Did it hurt when you fell of the wagon?

I don't think the protein shake for lunch thing is for me. I can do it for three or four days and then I"m just starving. I woke up hungry this morning, which is not normal. I haven't stopped eating so far today.

I might be able to incorporate it into my regular diet, maybe in place of my afternoon snack, but I have to have something solid at lunch.

I'm also having some intestinal challenges with this shake that are becoming problematic. It's a little questionable as to if I can make it through a workout at the gym without embarrassing myself. That's just not fun.

So, I think I'm going to take a break. I am five pounds from my final goal and I know that right now, diet is not going to be what gets me there. I've gone as far as I can with diet and minimal exercise. To get these last pounds off and get the few inches off to get into my clothes, I need to buckle down and really exercise. There has to be a plan that I can stick to.

I'll think of one later.

I didn't sleep well last night and I'm dreading going home and having to go through the chaos of getting me, two girls and Big M ready for the trip. Hopefully Ali was good at Mama T's today so I can turn on an episode of Mickey for her while I get as much done as possible in 30 minutes. If she doesn't play nice at daycare, which has been a problem (as mentioned previously) then she doesn't get to listen to her songs on the way home, or watch Mickey or get any privileges at all until she gets a clean report from Mama T. This has been working well as long as long as both Mama T and I stick to it strictly. We spend a lot of time talking to Ali about how to share toys, take turns on the swings, etc, etc.

Ah yes, the 'fun' side of parenting.

Thankfully this time at my in laws I'll have reinforcements. My MIL and SIL who are both itching for some quality Ali & Elle time. Fabulous. I'm going to go take a nap!

Ideal Shake 2 week update

I am happy to say I have kept off the magical two pounds that I lost that first week. I am currently 5 pounds away from my final goal.

I do have to admit I was not very consistent about my diet and exercise last week. I had the shake with strawberries for lunch Mon - Thur but only made it to the gym once. I went on Monday, forgot my clothes on Wednesday and my husband got called into a last minute project late Wednesday afternoon and so wasn't able to get home in time to watch the kiddos while I got on the treadmill. Thursday was the first day of this diet plan where I was starving. STARVING. All day and after work I went home and had a big dinner rather than go to the gym. A big healthy dinner, big salad, grilled chicken and a little rice, but I was way too hungry to go to the gym.

I decided to skip it Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I kept my calorie count fine, but just had a regular lunch instead of the shake. I did my 30 minute walk with Elle during Ali's gymnastics class on Saturday and then yesterday spent an hour playing in the neighborhood pool with the girls.

This week I hope to do well but we leave Thursday for my in laws cabin to celebrate the Fourth and all the birthdays. There will be some serious eating going on but I'm hoping I don't get too caught up in it.

My size 8 pants are starting to look too big. The hot pink pants are starting to look better. I wore a size 6 skirt to church on Sunday and while the waist was tight, it was wearable and my hips didn't look like they were about to bust the seams.

My stomach is not flat and really not pretty (loose, hanging skin and lots of wrinkles), but I can go to the pool in my tankini's with relative confidence that in my mid-thirty's, six months after baby #2, I look pretty damn good. I don't feel like I have to have my baby right next to me as if to 'explain' the rolly belly.

Four weeks until the baptism.

Sunday Afternoon

Ali: upstairs in the play room watching The Jungle Book.

Elle: in her bouncer, highly entertained by the rainbow spinning thingy.

Me: with my glass of wine, wondering if I shouldn't be doing more as a parent.

Nah. .......

Elle & Big M

I have mentioned before about how sweet Big M is with my girls. Ali doesn't really have a whole lot of interest in him. They exist in the same house without having much to do with each other, except for dinner time, then Big M is planted under her chair to 'help' clean up the overflow.

There was a time though, when she was little, that Big M adored her, and she thought he was pretty cool too. Even then she wasn't what I would call enamored of him, but if he was around, she was ok with it and would occasionally pet him.

Now we have Elle, and Big M adores her. And so far, she adores him. I had to stop posting the cute pictures of them together on my facebook page because there were so many and it was so frequent. It melts my heart to see them together and know he loves her.

Watching over her at 4 weeks old.

(wow, I miss my Old Lady)

Very vigilant. 

Hanging out at 3 months

And 5 months

It's really getting fun now because Elle has taken an interest in him and is interacting with him now. She loves his kisses, which is good because she gets a lot of them, and wants to play with him.

A few weeks ago

This set was fun because I was actually trying to take a picture of Elle sitting up, it's a recent thing. Instead I caught a drive by kissing that knocked her over. Fortunately I had the pillows all set up (ok, it's a dog bed, still, it works).

Sitting!

Kissing!

Falling!

And later just hanging out again, with kisses, lots and lots of kisses.

My sweet babies. 

How to eat a 1200 Calorie diet that makes sense

It takes a lot of time and tweaking to find the right combination of foods that work for you and fit your calorie requirements. This is what I have found that works for me.

Breakfast (2 options)

Either
Coffee                                 2 cups          5 Calories
Cream                                2 tbs           40 Calories  (1 tbsp per cup, measure it)
Fage 0% Greek Yogurt    32.5 oz            100 calories
Cascade Farms Granola   1/2 cup          110 calories
Blueberries                         1/2 cup        41 calories
                                                     Total 296 calories
Or
Coffee                                2 cups          5 Calories
Cream                                 2 tbs           40 Calories  (1 tbsp per cup, measure it)
Quaker 1 min oatmeal     1/4 cup dry     75 calories
Motts natural applesauce singles     1/2 the container  25 calories
Banana sliced                   1/2 medium size   52 calories
Diced Prunes                    1/4 cup               100 calories
                                                       Total 297 calories

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Lunch (3 options)

Either
Unsweetened Almond Milk        1 cup          30 calories
Protein Shake mix                      1 scoop     120 calories
Strawberries                              5 medium   50 calories                          
                                                               Total: 196

Or
Arnold Whole Wheat Bread Thin  1 roll     100 calories
Oscar Meyer Deli Turkey            6 slices   50 calories
Mayo  (the real stuff)                   1/2 tbs    45 calories
                                                             Total: 195

Or 
Arnold Whole Wheat Bread Thin   1 roll     100 calories
Starkist Tuna Fish                          1/2 can   50 calories
Mayo  (the real stuff)                     1/2 tbs    45 calories
                                                             Total: 195

--------------------------------------------------

Snacks (all)
String Cheese 50 calories
Hard boiled Egg 78 calories (or 12 can of V8 = 70 calories)
Chocolate chip granola bar 100 calories (or 20 cheez it crackers 110 calories (count!!))
                                                              Total: 228

--------------------------------------------------

Dinner

Either
Grilled Chicken breast marinated in Kraft Italian Dressing   150 calories
White rice   3/4 cup           181 calories
I can't believe it's not butter   1/2 tbsp   35 calories
Steamed broccoli    1 cup     54 calories
                                          Total 420 calories

Or
Allrecipes Basil Pork Chops   247 calories
Allrecipes Baked Sweet potato sticks 132 calories
Steamed Zucchini   1 cup  20 Calories
I can't believe it's not butter   1/2 tbsp   35 calories
                                              Total 434 calories

 Or
Allrecipes Chicken and Biscuit Cassarole  450 calories

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So the basic idea is breakfast is around 300 calories (good start to the day).
Lunch + healthy snacks are 450 calories spread out every two hours or so.
Dinner is around 400-450 Calories.

300+450+450=1200

If I have a little room left, I do tend to pour myself a small glass of wine.
(barefoot pinot grigio,  4 oz,  91 calories)

You just have to know what you're eating and how much.

Use your measuring spoons.

Use a kitchen scale.

Use your brain!  If a package of 3 chicken breasts weighs 1.25 lbs you should be able to figure out approximately how much each one weighs.
(16 oz in a pound, plus 4 more oz for the .25 = 20 oz total. Divide by 3 = 6 oz per breast, approx.)