The hardest goodbye

I haven't been able to write for a while because it hurts my heart so completely.

We had to make the decision to say goodbye to my Old Lady.

Since Christmas she started failing and it just got worse and worse, faster and faster. We couldn't keep up. It finally got to a point where she couldn't do anything. She couldn't sit at all. She could barely lay down by herself,  we had to help her and then help her back up. Help her out to go to the bathroom and keep her from falling over while going.

She wasn't going to get better.

She cried all the time.

It hurt more to watch her struggle than the decision to end her pain.

My husband and I brought her to the vet on Saturday, February 1st. We sat with her and loved her to the end. It broke my heart. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. But it was the right thing.

I miss her every minute.

We told Ali that she went to heaven and isn't coming back. Two year old logic is funny. Even through the tears she can make me laugh. The conversation we keep having goes:

Ali: where's Old Lady?
Me: she's gone to heaven.
Ali: mama's sad.
Me: yes, mama's very sad. I miss her.
Ali: mama's nose runs.

Yep, that's what she takes away from it. My nose runs when I cry.

I had my Old Lady for 10 years. She was with me while I was single and dating. She was with me when I met my husband and has gone with us on all our trips. She was my best friend for so long. A piece of me is missing now. She was my first baby girl.

My Maggie.  My Old Lady.