Monday, March 28, 2016

Back on the wagon

Even with the extra wine and mild depression the last couple of weeks I have maintained the 121 lb status. The last two mornings it was actually a little lower...but I don't want to make that official yet. I'm sure it was a fluke.

It's been a very hard week without Big M and not having a dog in the house at all has been strange, and messy. I had no idea just how much food this family drops! It's crazy.

But, it's time to get serious again now and get the wine off the menu. There isn't any in the house right now and will stay that way.

I did have an exciting moment this weekend when I started pulling out my summer clothes and found that a bunch of things that didn't fit last summer, fit awesome now. It was such a good feeling!

Thankfully the weather is supposed to be nice this week and I hope to get in a couple good runs and hopefully a Daily Burn workout. I am really loving those. They add a great strength training aspect that hits a lot of muscle groups I don't normally get to with just running and yoga. Lots of core work and I'm hoping that helps tone up my belly.

It's been awesome to see results and continue to maintain them.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

5 Pounds

I have officially lost 5 pounds since the beginning of the year.

It's taken almost three months, but they are those last, few, stubborn, really critical to clothes fitting well pounds.

And my well.

My tight pants...are loose.

My love handles are...smaller. I'm not going to say gone but they're really close to gone and at this point the scale isn't going to be the factor for changing that.

I will admit I have not had as many wine free nights in the last two weeks that I had originally planned, however, I have also not over indulged and I have lots of good emotional backup for crawling into a glass of wine in the evening. (I miss my Murphy so much)

Jeans I bought just after Christmas are just a little loose and my normal every day jeans are almost big enough to look sloppy, which is good and bad. I still like those jeans. It's cool that they're big, but they're good jeans.

I've been keeping up with 1-2 Daily Burn workouts a week. If I only do 2 they're both 30-45 minute ones, if i can fit in more than that I typically start adding the 15-20 minute ones as I can. I've been out running at least once a week, usually twice and I love my fitbit. LOVE my fitbit!

Technically I only have one more pound left to go to hit my all time, ultimate, final goal weight which is what I was when I got married. My body isn't quite in the same condition as it was then and my belly is still just not what I was hoping for but there's still room to improve.

My real problem is just the extra saggy sink at my belly from the two pregnancies. I don't think any amount of crunches, running, dieting, etc is going to help that. We'll see. Not giving up yet and would love any miracle products you know of to help tighten up saggy skin.

Overall, feeling very fit and content.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Good bye My Murphy

Last Friday we said good bye to our Big M. My Murphy man, big bubba. He had just fallen apart and was struggling just to make it through the day any more.

We had our vet come out to our house because the vet's office scared Murphy so badly I couldn't stand the idea of bringing him there for his last moments.

The day had started off cloudy and cool but at 11 the sun came out and we spent almost an hour sitting outside with Murphy letting him sniff and enjoy the sun. It was heartbreaking to lose him and the hardest part of being a dog owner but I do feel that it was the right decision, it was his time.

It's been so hard on my husband. Murphy was his buddy and the loss has been rough.

Surprisingly Lizzy hasn't had much reaction at all. I had expected her to be concerned that he wasn't around anymore but she hasn't mentioned it at all and just keeps going like all is normal. I guess when you're two, it is normal.

Ali has also surprised me. She has never been that much of a dog person and both Murphy and our previous dog Maggie were always just background input for her, there, but not that important. When I first told her that Murphy had died, she cried but was mostly confused and kept asking 'so, we don't have a dog anymore?' And was more concerned about the change in the family identity, as one with a dog to one without, than she was about losing Murphy. After a couple days she processed it a bit more and started asking about Murphy more specifically, and saying she missed him and wanted him back.

Four year old's are a tough mix of emotional and literal.

I told her that Murphy had died and gone to heaven. Her response was that she wished heaven wasn't so far away because she missed Murphy and wanted him back. I told her heaven wasn't far, that heaven was in our hearts and Murphy would always be with her. She asked, isn't it dark in there? (i.e. Murphy is in her heart, in a literal sense.) It's awfully hard to cry and laugh at the same time while trying to stay serious with a four year old asking questions about death and heaven.

She asked if I could make a picture for her of Murphy so when she missed him she could look at it. Sometimes it is amazing to me how God puts things in our way. Friday morning getting ready for school, the girls watched a disney show about being homesick and the little girl drew a picture of her family to have with her when she missed them. I told her that was perfect and I would be happy to make a picture of her and Murphy.

We miss you Murphy and will see you again.

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

One bad weekend

One bad weekend and I start sliding back up the scale. Very upsetting. I have to admit I way, way overindulged this past weekend though.

We had a little party for Lizzy, who's birthday is just after Christmas. We only just now got around to having a party and it was so fun. Three of her little friends from school came and it was hysterical having four two year old's run around the house, and around, and around, and around...!!!!

There were going to be 15-17 people or so and I decided not to cook and got Moe's to cater. Fan-stinkin'-tastic decision on my part, let me just say. However, it also meant I had oodles of chips and queso around the house that I LOVE and snacked on all weekend. Along with a Oreo Brownie Trifle that I made for one of the little girls who can't have eggs, the brownies were made with zucchini instead of eggs and were awesome. Then of course I stayed up way, way too late every night with my mother in law and sister in law drinking too much wine.

Come Monday morning I was back up two of of the four pounds I had lost. Grrr. But after limiting wine on Sunday and having a completely clean day yesterday, along with a good run, woke up this morning back down one of those. Got to get rid of that second one though.

Really I am only about two pounds away from my ultimate weight goal. After that it will just be toning to get things back where they need to be for the summer.

My run yesterday was slower than I had been doing, but it's been two weeks since I ran.

Today my goal is to do a 45 minute Daily Burn workout. I might even do it outside on the deck because it's beautiful out! It's tempting to do another run instead because the weather is perfect, but, just running isn't going to get the results that I want. A 45 minute cardio class will burn over 400 calories whereas my runs tend to do 250 or so. Have to get used to doing the harder option.

This year I am going to be ready for summer and I am going to get my body back.

Twelve weeks til June.

Monday, March 7, 2016

Losing Big M

I am truly struggling with the situation we're in with Big M. He is not doing well and having more and more bad days. He has degenerative arthritis in his back end and has lost almost all control of his back legs. On good days he can shuffle around and he does ok. On bad days he is basically dragging his rear end around. He falls over while going to the bathroom all the time and he can no longer negotiate stairs. My husband carries him up and down stairs several times a day.

He is starting to have 'old man eyes'. If you've ever had an old dog that you had to make that final call about, you know those eyes. You may not see them at the time, but going back to look at pictures, you'd see it. Eyes that are tired and painful and done. Just done. I see those eyes in Big M more and more.

The problem is, on days where he's ok, he's happy and social and attempts his normal part of our routine. And when you look at that dog, you can't even imagine making the decision to let go. He still has problems on those days. He's still falling over and getting stuck, but then he'll go get a toy and toss it around a bit.

My biggest source of stress though is my husband. He is not seeing the struggles that Big M is having. He is not recognizing how close we are to really having to make a hard decision and he thinks we're ok keeping on how we've been keeping on.

When we lost our first dog, my Old Lady, it was my call. I decided it was time. She was my girl. Big M has always been my husband's sidekick. I can't make this decision for him, or on my own. He has to agree. I can't go and make that decision for him and I'm really worried he's going to draw this out much longer than it should.

I don't know what we'd tell Lizzy either. Ali already understands a bit about death and she remembers losing my Old Lady. She's also not that into dogs. I don't think it would change her world at all. Lizzy though is best friends with Big M. They adore each other. Always have. Found this post from Lizzy's first summer.

It breaks my heart to think of losing this connection for her.

I took these of them just a few weeks ago.

I honestly don't know what to do. I don't want to push my husband to make the decision when he's not ready, but I don't want to string this out and put all of us through the current struggles longer than is reasonable. Big M is 70 lbs. My husband carries him up and down the stairs. I'm worried he's going to hurt himself. We've rearranged our travel plans for April because we both had out of town functions and can't leave Big M with anyone. I can't ask my parents to get him up and down the stairs, or get him in the bathtub after he falls over in his poop.

It's a fine line of too early and too late. I don't want either one and I think no matter what, we're going to question the timing.

It's so heartbreaking.

I even got my father in law involved because I've been so stressed about it and my husband hasn't been hearing me when I tell him we need to really look at Big M and his condition. I thought he might listen to his dad. I don't think that worked either.

My in laws were down this weekend and on Sunday morning my FIL started a conversation about Big M and his quality of life and how hard this decision is going to be, but that's it's one we're going to have to make. I don't think my husband even looked at his dad while he was talking. Didn't participate in the conversation, not a word. Nothing.

I don't know where to go from here.

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

February in Review

In February I decided I had hit a very bad level of what had become 'normal' drinking.

I wasn't losing weight even though I was doing well with the eating side of my diet and I was exercising regularly, and I felt like crap more mornings that I would like to admit.

Starting February 7th I changed my habits.

During the month of February there were 9 days where I did not drink. Now, 9 out of 29 doesn't sound very good, but considering that previously it would have been maybe 2 (probably not even that) out of 29, that's a pretty good improvement and considering that I only started my personal challenge on the 7th, that's actually 9 out of 22. Which leaves 13 days of having had a drink. A 9/13 ratio sounds better doesn't it.

My goal for March will be 12 days no drinking. Three days a week basically. And on a day during the week that I do have a glass of wine, I have A glass of wine. As in, one. Not four. On the weekends I have 2-3 glasses. Instead of a bottle. Yes, a bottle.

I have kept up my calorie count on My Fitness Pal and with the minor issue of Girl Scout Cookies, have seen a major change in my daily calories for the last three weeks.

I have continued dropping weight. The last two mornings I weighed in at 121.8.

ONE TWENTY ONE POINT EIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you know the last time I think I saw that weight was at my wedding?

That is down 4.6 lbs.




In all fairness, I'm not really counting the 121.8 yet. It has to stick around a few more days before I log it into My Fitness Pal as an actual weight loss. Sometimes these things don't stay that low, you just have a couple really good days and then it goes back up. But still, 121.8. Wahoo!!

My clothes are fitting well.

I can run two miles without difficulty.

I have been fitting in 3-4 workouts a week (between running, yoga and Daily Burn).

Lizzy's teachers stopped me this week and asked me if I do a lot of yoga at home because Lizzy has been 'playing exercise' at school and mimicking me clearly enough that they knew she was doing yoga poses.

I am feeling stronger and more confident. Partly because I feel fitter, but mostly because I've proven that I can take control of my drinking and see results from it.

It's pretty exciting.