Tuesday, August 9, 2016

We survived day 1

And actually, more than survived, my little kindergartner flourished, as she normally does.

I don't know why I worry the way I do.

All the way up to the night before, putting Ali to bed she kept saying over, and over that she didn't want to get on the bus by herself and wanted me to come with her.

This was her Friday during dinner after having had a wonderful open house at the school, meeting her teachers, some new friends and practicing how to get from the bus drop off to her room.
But. I. Don't. Want. To. Ride. The. Bus.

It was a tough weekend leading up to her first day Monday and I really thought it was going to be a scene. Instead I got this:
Ready to go!

We see the bus!

And the only one who cried was Lizzy when the bus pulled away and she realized Ali was still on it.

Alice left me!

After school, Ali about floated off the bus so excited to tell me all about it, and then this morning was just as excited to go back.
Bus Stop Day 2

My grown up little girl.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Complete panic is not far off

My little baby girl starts kindergarten in five days.


I am not ready for her to be old enough to put on a bus.

She's already started to work up to a pretty significant anxiety level when the other day she looked at me and asked "Are you getting on the bus with me??" And I had to say 'no'. Mommies aren't allowed.

Since that question she has come up with all kinds of scenarios for how it would be possible for me to ride the bus with her. She's really thought it out.

I expect this to be a pretty tough bus pick up on Monday morning, for both of us.

And, I've already had to start being the crazy over protective mother. I got the bus stop assignment and am not happy with it. We live on a very steep hill, with no side walks, around a very blind corner, on a road that has a posted speed limit of 25 mph but most cars do more like 45-50 mph around that corner and down that hill. Checking our mailbox can be a life or death sort of adventure. And they want my baby girl to walk up that steep hill, around the blind corner which leads to another hill over which cars come flying with no visibility to go 5 houses up to the 'bus stop' at another little girls house.


Thankfully it was a very nice man that I spoke with this morning at the Transportation Department who did not make me feel like a crazy mom and who is going to go check the walk from our house to the stop to see my concerns and see what recommendations he can make for moving her pickup/drop off stop.

Other than the bus stop issue, I think we are fully prepared. I have a huge crate of the requested school supplies. A new backpack, lunchbox and My Little Pony dress for her first day. She will also be getting a special little snugly surprise that will be hidden in her backpack to help bribe her on to the bus where she can then see what her surprise is. Bribery, every parent's fall back!

The open house is Friday. We have a play date scheduled Saturday evening with some other kindergartners in our neighborhood and then will spend Sunday afternoon making plans for the coming week. Outfits laid out. Breakfasts and lunches planned. With Alice making her own decisions which (in theory) will lead to a smoother morning since she knows exactly what is going to happen each day. We'll see about that.

Wish us luck!

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Three weeks of summer

This is the first year that Summer has an official 'over' date to it. It's a little weird. And is making me a little panicky. I've started worrying about summer things we haven't done yet.

We haven't gone to the zoo, all year and we have a membership that we got as a Christmas present.

We've only been to the park once.

We haven't been to the spray ground which only costs $1 per kid and is literally two minutes away from the house.

We haven't been to the library, ever, since it opened...two years ago and it is the same two minutes away from the house.

We haven't been to the butterfly exhibit at the Nature Center that is 10 minutes from my house where they send the kids into an enclosure with a sugar wand and a massive collection of butterflies swarm you! What?!?!! How did I only learn about this last week??

And, have you seen the back to school supply list for kindergartners?? Or any age actually. It's crazy!

Three little weeks.

Thursday, July 7, 2016


Someday you will be in your local book store shopping for your niece's first birthday.

Someday you will see a beautiful display of children's books with an endearing title and sweet cover drawing.

Someday you will flip through the first half this beautifully displayed book without reading it all the way through and buy two copies, one for your niece and one for you to read to your children.

Someday you will snuggle into bed with your two little ones and your husband and read this beautiful endearing book to your precious children, still without having read the whole thing yourself.

Someday you will reach a page that says "Some day you will read something so sad you fold up and cry."

Someday you will not read that page without tears rolling down your own face and your husband looking at you like you're completely insane.

Someday that beautiful, endearing book will continue to get sadder and sadder the further into the book you get.

Your two year old will wipe the tears from your eyes as you continue to read, certain it must get better.

You're husband will continue to look at you like you're out of your mind for purchasing and then reading this amazingly sad book.

And then, Someday, when you finally reach the end and you have to explain to your four year old why it is you're crying. You will then get to reassure and calm your hysterical four year old that you will not be kicking them out of the house to make it on their own tomorrow or anytime soon and then end up promising her that she never has to leave you, ever.

Someday I will learn to read a children's book all the way through before attempting to read it to my children.

I do not recommend the children's book 'Someday', regardless of the beautiful display, endearing cover, or sweet beginning.

(I did thankfully read it before mailing the copy to my niece. I sent a Barnes and Noble Gift Card instead.)

Thursday, June 9, 2016

I lost my wedding band

It hurts. It actually hurts to look at my hand and only see one ring instead of two.

I can't believe I lost it. That it's gone. It's so unreal.

How could I have lost something that is such a part of my finger? It's attached. It's a piece of me. It's gone. How could I have been so careless?

I took Cleary out for a walk on Tuesday and half way down the hill from our house realized I hadn't taken my rings off. I don't like wearing my rings when I'm out running or walking in the heat. My fingers swell and it's uncomfortable. I usually leave them in a box in my kitchen. Tuesday I forgot to take them off before leaving the house and with Cleary there's no turning around. Not an option, he'd put the brakes on and it would be a fight all the way back up to the house.

So, I took off my rings and stuck them in my arm band that holds my phone, just tucked them in behind my phone and off we went.

We got down to the lake, went only part way around and then started heading back when my phone rang.

I pulled it out of the arm band and answered it.

Not even given half a thought to what was in with my phone.

I got back to the house and only had my engagement band.

Of course I immediately ran back down there (without the dog) and checked everywhere I had walked, but didn't find it.

I then had to pick up the girls and after I had stuffed dinner in them, rather literally, I dragged them back down to the lake and the three of us walked the path again and still didn't find anything.

I called my husband and he stopped at the lake on the way home and he checked too.

No ring.

We've put up flyers, posted the loss on the neighborhood facebook page, emailed the community director in case someone contacted her about finding a ring.

No ring.

I don't know what to do. I don't know that I want a new band. I want my old band.

The one I got married in. That my husband put on my finger.

The one I took off my finger and lost.

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Hello Summer - Good bye Preschool

I definitely fell off the blog bandwagon for a while. The month of May seems to have disappeared. Memorial Day has come and gone and summer is definitely here, officially or not, 92 degree days and afternoon thunderstorms says summer to me.

I haven't been writing because I haven't had much to say I guess.

Things are good. Normal. Quiet.

I hit my weight goals and have comfortably maintained them.

The girls are good. Lizzy is still two, so there's that level of challenge but on most days she's still a pretty reasonable little girl.

Ali 'graduated' from preschool and will be heading to kindergarten in August.


That wierds me out in such a major way. She'll be riding the bus. To school. With kids. Big kids. Mean kids. Nice kids. All kids. I'm not sure I'm ready for this. I'm not sure she's ready for this. She can't tie her shoes. Shouldn't a kindergartner know how to do that? Am I failing as a parent because she doesn't?

I've been teaching her to open her own applesauce without making a mess, so I can send applesauce to school with her. How to open granola bar wrappers, because I've always done it. I worry she won't be able to open a Tupperware container with her lunch in it.

Am I completely ridiculous to be stressing about this.



Will I stop.


Probably not.

I'm having actual nightmares about putting her on the bus and having her sob so hard the other kids make fun of her.

In short. I think I have officially turned into my mother. And my grandfather. Expert worriers about absolutely everything they have no control over.

Excuse me, I need to go have a panic attack.

Thursday, April 7, 2016


Well, I knew it wasn't going to last long, but even I was surprised at how quickly we found a new dog to be part of our family. I didn't think my husband would be that interested but I think it's been strange and hard for all of us to not have a dog in the house.

So, meet Cleary!

He is awesome!

He is a 5 year old boxer mix who was with a rescue group here in GA. He'd been there for over a year and apparently dogs who are older than 2 or 3 have a harder time getting adopted. Everyone wants a younger dog. I have to admit when I started the search I was looking for 2 or 3 year old dogs and so he didn't come up on my radar. We went to an adoption event to meet one particular dog who ended up not being there. But Cleary was! He climbed into my husbands lap, washed his face, and we were sold.

He is so good it's amazing. I can't image who wouldn't have wanted this dog. He is so loving and so sweet. Loves everyone he meets and really thinks he's a lap dog.

It's definitely strange to have a dog in the house that isn't Murphy and while it's nice there's definitely a level of guilt and relief involved. Relief that I can invite my neighbors to the house without having to worry about Murphy biting someone. Guilt that I am relieved he's no longer with us.

But, at the end of they day, when I'm snuggled into my chair with Cleary tucked in with me, I know it was the right decision for everyone and he's going to be a great family member. We just have to work on his running skills. He tends to want to chase squirrels.

Love car rides. Hops right up and knows his seat is in the back.

Loves coming to work with me and after playing for a bit, takes a little nap.

Really wants to be a lap dog.

Cleary selfie!

Monday, March 28, 2016

Back on the wagon

Even with the extra wine and mild depression the last couple of weeks I have maintained the 121 lb status. The last two mornings it was actually a little lower...but I don't want to make that official yet. I'm sure it was a fluke.

It's been a very hard week without Big M and not having a dog in the house at all has been strange, and messy. I had no idea just how much food this family drops! It's crazy.

But, it's time to get serious again now and get the wine off the menu. There isn't any in the house right now and will stay that way.

I did have an exciting moment this weekend when I started pulling out my summer clothes and found that a bunch of things that didn't fit last summer, fit awesome now. It was such a good feeling!

Thankfully the weather is supposed to be nice this week and I hope to get in a couple good runs and hopefully a Daily Burn workout. I am really loving those. They add a great strength training aspect that hits a lot of muscle groups I don't normally get to with just running and yoga. Lots of core work and I'm hoping that helps tone up my belly.

It's been awesome to see results and continue to maintain them.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

5 Pounds

I have officially lost 5 pounds since the beginning of the year.

It's taken almost three months, but they are those last, few, stubborn, really critical to clothes fitting well pounds.

And my clothes...fit well.

My tight pants...are loose.

My love handles are...smaller. I'm not going to say gone but they're really close to gone and at this point the scale isn't going to be the factor for changing that.

I will admit I have not had as many wine free nights in the last two weeks that I had originally planned, however, I have also not over indulged and I have lots of good emotional backup for crawling into a glass of wine in the evening. (I miss my Murphy so much)

Jeans I bought just after Christmas are just a little loose and my normal every day jeans are almost big enough to look sloppy, which is good and bad. I still like those jeans. It's cool that they're big, but they're good jeans.

I've been keeping up with 1-2 Daily Burn workouts a week. If I only do 2 they're both 30-45 minute ones, if i can fit in more than that I typically start adding the 15-20 minute ones as I can. I've been out running at least once a week, usually twice and I love my fitbit. LOVE my fitbit!

Technically I only have one more pound left to go to hit my all time, ultimate, final goal weight which is what I was when I got married. My body isn't quite in the same condition as it was then and my belly is still just not what I was hoping for but there's still room to improve.

My real problem is just the extra saggy sink at my belly from the two pregnancies. I don't think any amount of crunches, running, dieting, etc is going to help that. We'll see. Not giving up yet and would love any miracle products you know of to help tighten up saggy skin.

Overall, feeling very fit and content.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Good bye My Murphy

Last Friday we said good bye to our Big M. My Murphy man, big bubba. He had just fallen apart and was struggling just to make it through the day any more.

We had our vet come out to our house because the vet's office scared Murphy so badly I couldn't stand the idea of bringing him there for his last moments.

The day had started off cloudy and cool but at 11 the sun came out and we spent almost an hour sitting outside with Murphy letting him sniff and enjoy the sun. It was heartbreaking to lose him and the hardest part of being a dog owner but I do feel that it was the right decision, it was his time.

It's been so hard on my husband. Murphy was his buddy and the loss has been rough.

Surprisingly Lizzy hasn't had much reaction at all. I had expected her to be concerned that he wasn't around anymore but she hasn't mentioned it at all and just keeps going like all is normal. I guess when you're two, it is normal.

Ali has also surprised me. She has never been that much of a dog person and both Murphy and our previous dog Maggie were always just background input for her, there, but not that important. When I first told her that Murphy had died, she cried but was mostly confused and kept asking 'so, we don't have a dog anymore?' And was more concerned about the change in the family identity, as one with a dog to one without, than she was about losing Murphy. After a couple days she processed it a bit more and started asking about Murphy more specifically, and saying she missed him and wanted him back.

Four year old's are a tough mix of emotional and literal.

I told her that Murphy had died and gone to heaven. Her response was that she wished heaven wasn't so far away because she missed Murphy and wanted him back. I told her heaven wasn't far, that heaven was in our hearts and Murphy would always be with her. She asked, isn't it dark in there? (i.e. Murphy is in her heart, in a literal sense.) It's awfully hard to cry and laugh at the same time while trying to stay serious with a four year old asking questions about death and heaven.

She asked if I could make a picture for her of Murphy so when she missed him she could look at it. Sometimes it is amazing to me how God puts things in our way. Friday morning getting ready for school, the girls watched a disney show about being homesick and the little girl drew a picture of her family to have with her when she missed them. I told her that was perfect and I would be happy to make a picture of her and Murphy.

We miss you Murphy and will see you again.

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

One bad weekend

One bad weekend and I start sliding back up the scale. Very upsetting. I have to admit I way, way overindulged this past weekend though.

We had a little party for Lizzy, who's birthday is just after Christmas. We only just now got around to having a party and it was so fun. Three of her little friends from school came and it was hysterical having four two year old's run around the house, and around, and around, and around...!!!!

There were going to be 15-17 people or so and I decided not to cook and got Moe's to cater. Fan-stinkin'-tastic decision on my part, let me just say. However, it also meant I had oodles of chips and queso around the house that I LOVE and snacked on all weekend. Along with a Oreo Brownie Trifle that I made for one of the little girls who can't have eggs, the brownies were made with zucchini instead of eggs and were awesome. Then of course I stayed up way, way too late every night with my mother in law and sister in law drinking too much wine.

Come Monday morning I was back up two of of the four pounds I had lost. Grrr. But after limiting wine on Sunday and having a completely clean day yesterday, along with a good run, woke up this morning back down one of those. Got to get rid of that second one though.

Really I am only about two pounds away from my ultimate weight goal. After that it will just be toning to get things back where they need to be for the summer.

My run yesterday was slower than I had been doing, but it's been two weeks since I ran.

Today my goal is to do a 45 minute Daily Burn workout. I might even do it outside on the deck because it's beautiful out! It's tempting to do another run instead because the weather is perfect, but, just running isn't going to get the results that I want. A 45 minute cardio class will burn over 400 calories whereas my runs tend to do 250 or so. Have to get used to doing the harder option.

This year I am going to be ready for summer and I am going to get my body back.

Twelve weeks til June.

Monday, March 7, 2016

Losing Big M

I am truly struggling with the situation we're in with Big M. He is not doing well and having more and more bad days. He has degenerative arthritis in his back end and has lost almost all control of his back legs. On good days he can shuffle around and he does ok. On bad days he is basically dragging his rear end around. He falls over while going to the bathroom all the time and he can no longer negotiate stairs. My husband carries him up and down stairs several times a day.

He is starting to have 'old man eyes'. If you've ever had an old dog that you had to make that final call about, you know those eyes. You may not see them at the time, but going back to look at pictures, you'd see it. Eyes that are tired and painful and done. Just done. I see those eyes in Big M more and more.

The problem is, on days where he's ok, he's happy and social and attempts his normal part of our routine. And when you look at that dog, you can't even imagine making the decision to let go. He still has problems on those days. He's still falling over and getting stuck, but then he'll go get a toy and toss it around a bit.

My biggest source of stress though is my husband. He is not seeing the struggles that Big M is having. He is not recognizing how close we are to really having to make a hard decision and he thinks we're ok keeping on how we've been keeping on.

When we lost our first dog, my Old Lady, it was my call. I decided it was time. She was my girl. Big M has always been my husband's sidekick. I can't make this decision for him, or on my own. He has to agree. I can't go and make that decision for him and I'm really worried he's going to draw this out much longer than it should.

I don't know what we'd tell Lizzy either. Ali already understands a bit about death and she remembers losing my Old Lady. She's also not that into dogs. I don't think it would change her world at all. Lizzy though is best friends with Big M. They adore each other. Always have. Found this post from Lizzy's first summer.


It breaks my heart to think of losing this connection for her.

I took these of them just a few weeks ago.

I honestly don't know what to do. I don't want to push my husband to make the decision when he's not ready, but I don't want to string this out and put all of us through the current struggles longer than is reasonable. Big M is 70 lbs. My husband carries him up and down the stairs. I'm worried he's going to hurt himself. We've rearranged our travel plans for April because we both had out of town functions and can't leave Big M with anyone. I can't ask my parents to get him up and down the stairs, or get him in the bathtub after he falls over in his poop.

It's a fine line of too early and too late. I don't want either one and I think no matter what, we're going to question the timing.

It's so heartbreaking.

I even got my father in law involved because I've been so stressed about it and my husband hasn't been hearing me when I tell him we need to really look at Big M and his condition. I thought he might listen to his dad. I don't think that worked either.

My in laws were down this weekend and on Sunday morning my FIL started a conversation about Big M and his quality of life and how hard this decision is going to be, but that's it's one we're going to have to make. I don't think my husband even looked at his dad while he was talking. Didn't participate in the conversation, not a word. Nothing.

I don't know where to go from here.

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

February in Review

In February I decided I had hit a very bad level of what had become 'normal' drinking.

I wasn't losing weight even though I was doing well with the eating side of my diet and I was exercising regularly, and I felt like crap more mornings that I would like to admit.

Starting February 7th I changed my habits.

During the month of February there were 9 days where I did not drink. Now, 9 out of 29 doesn't sound very good, but considering that previously it would have been maybe 2 (probably not even that) out of 29, that's a pretty good improvement and considering that I only started my personal challenge on the 7th, that's actually 9 out of 22. Which leaves 13 days of having had a drink. A 9/13 ratio sounds better doesn't it.

My goal for March will be 12 days no drinking. Three days a week basically. And on a day during the week that I do have a glass of wine, I have A glass of wine. As in, one. Not four. On the weekends I have 2-3 glasses. Instead of a bottle. Yes, a bottle.

I have kept up my calorie count on My Fitness Pal and with the minor issue of Girl Scout Cookies, have seen a major change in my daily calories for the last three weeks.

I have continued dropping weight. The last two mornings I weighed in at 121.8.

ONE TWENTY ONE POINT EIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you know the last time I think I saw that weight was at my wedding?

That is down 4.6 lbs.




In all fairness, I'm not really counting the 121.8 yet. It has to stick around a few more days before I log it into My Fitness Pal as an actual weight loss. Sometimes these things don't stay that low, you just have a couple really good days and then it goes back up. But still, 121.8. Wahoo!!

My clothes are fitting well.

I can run two miles without difficulty.

I have been fitting in 3-4 workouts a week (between running, yoga and Daily Burn).

Lizzy's teachers stopped me this week and asked me if I do a lot of yoga at home because Lizzy has been 'playing exercise' at school and mimicking me clearly enough that they knew she was doing yoga poses.

I am feeling stronger and more confident. Partly because I feel fitter, but mostly because I've proven that I can take control of my drinking and see results from it.

It's pretty exciting.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

At least it was a stomach bug

There's nothing like being sick to derail your exercise and diet plans. However, when it's a stomach bug it can at least be helpful in your weight loss goals.

Thankfully it was just a mild upset stomach that made me not want to eat (or workout) for three days, and the upside is, I lost two lbs!

And, I gained a running buddy over the weekend. Running has become something much more enjoyable for me lately. I guess that's what normally happens when you do it enough that you don't suck at it. I can now pretty steadily run about 2.5 miles without trouble. It has been a quiet solitary sort of outlet for me and I usually listen to music or a good book while out on my own.

It never actually occurred to me to find someone to run with, but one of our good friends in the neighborhood has seen my Map My Run posts on facebook and asked if I wanted to go running with her this past weekend. She has a daughter a bit younger than Ali so we planned in for Sunday at nap time when the Daddies could be reasonably trusted with the kids (ha ha) and went out for a run.

What fun that was! We talked and laughed the whole run and while it was a bit slower for me (closer to a 13 min mile than 12) but she had a better run than her previous time.

I'm not sure when we'll be able to do it again, this weekend is full with a birthday party directly in the middle of nap time on Saturday and plans with my mom on Sunday. Next weekend we're having a little birthday party for Lizzy even though her birthday was actually in Dec. This has been the first chance we've had to do something for her. My in laws are coming down and we're having a few of Lizzy's little friends from school over. But, I will definitely be getting together again for an afternoon run sometime soon.

Doing well with the wine battle too, again, stomach bug helps, but it's nice to write the little number on the calendar for another day with no wine.  And today, I'm wearing pre-Ali jeans that are normally just a little too snug for comfort. Yay!

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Cookie issue

Girls Scout cookies have arrived. My only sweet weakness.

I'm still counting those calories and it's really rough to see just how few thin mints it takes to add up to quite a lot of my snack calorie count for the day.

But, no wine Monday or Tuesday and only one glass on Wednesday.

Out of 10 days, 6 with no wine.

The regular sized bottle I opened on Sunday still has wine in it. Not the supersized bottles, the regular size. That's amazing in my house.

I ran on Tuesday and had my Personal Best mile at 12:04. The second mile was 13 minutes but the majority was on a wooded trail that was a bit muddy so I had to slow a bit anyway. Overall very happy about that.

I really want to get up in the morning and do a Daily Burn workout before getting started for the day but it is SO hard to drag myself out of bed at 5 am. Really, really hard.

I also want to do better at prepping things for the week. Dinners made and ready to go, salads prepped, snacks done, etc.

I need a good plan.

Monday, February 15, 2016


The thing is, I know what I need to do to get the results I want, I'm just not usually willing to do it.

What I need to do is lay off the wine. It's a crutch that is 100% mental and I know it is but I just hadn't been willing to let go of it.

It's embarrassing to admit to how much I normally drink, and I'm not quite ready for that, but let's just leave it at: I have a drink every day.

The weekend before last, I had enough. I was tired of waking up feeling like crap. Before church I dumped out two mostly full bottles of wine so there was nothing in the house. And it stayed that way for most of the week.

I have to say I have not been 100% faithful to the 'no wine' mantra, but out of the last 9 days, I have not had a drink on 5 of them. That's pretty huge for me. And, on the days where I did have wine, I had at most 2 glasses and on one day, I had half a glass, that's it. Again, huge for me.

I also recently signed up with Daily Burn, which is AWESOME! I love the different workouts every day and they have workouts as short as 15 minutes, which is frequently all I have.

In 9 days I have lost 2 lbs, 'wine weight' which I knew was there.

My body feels better.

My brain feels better.

I have marked on the calendar every day that I don't drink and it is very satisfying to put another mark on the page.

Bolstered by success and by not being hungover at Church this week, I am excited to dive into another good week of fun workouts and no drinking.

Will update!

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Pity party is over, but wait til you hear the rest

So Monday and Tuesday were both good days and I'm feeling better. Yesterday I went for a run and for the first time since before I was pregnant with Ali, I ran the full two mile loop around our lake and felt great.

Last weekend was kind of crappy all the way around. I already mentioned the failed party but that was seriously just the icing on the cake. Here's what happened last weekend.

The oven died. It had been on the way out for a while but finally died Thursday night when my husband took a 'kill it or cure it' approach. He killed it. Waiting on parts now. $500.

The steam mop died. We have tile floors over about 700 sf of our downstairs and it's a dark colored wood look tile. In theory, I love them. In reality, they show every dirty footprint, slobber mark (dog), and dusty, dirty spec that falls. I sweep several times a week and mop every Friday afternoon. Mop died. $150.

Lacking an oven, I pulled out the crockpot to cook some chicken for dinner. Didn't have an actual crockpot meal planned, just tossed in some chicken and marinade and it all went well. After it was done, just for the sake of curiosity, I put in some frozen biscuits that I had initially planned to have with dinner...but no oven. They did cook. It took about an hour and a half at which point dinner was way over and my husband was busy cleaning the kitchen. He took the biscuits out of the pot, and put it immediately int o the sink to spray out with water. Cold water. On a hot crockpot. Crack! $80

On Saturday Lizzy woke up with a fever and telling me her ears hurt. I waited until Sunday to make sure the fever stuck, which it did, so we spent Sunday morning at Urgent Care to get her double ear infection diagnosis. $169

Saturday and Sunday were also bad days for my poor Big M. He is not doing well and has been struggling with extreme arthritis in his back end. He's been failing since late last summer and at this point the vet is amazed he's still moving, his x-rays are that bad. My husband took him out for a very short walk on Saturday and had to carry him back. 70 lbs of dog. Big M never recovered from it that day and on Sunday didn't move from his bed for most of the day even when we had (2) people over for the party. He's got me so stressed out that we're going to have to make a quality of life decision in the next couple months. It sucks.

So, Sunday afternoon. After everything. My mom called to check on Lizzy and I just started to cry at her. It was so overwhelming. It still is, but after a couple of nights of good sleep, healthy eating and a good run it's easier to deal with.

The pity party is over. Now to deal with all those broken pieces of my house and figuring out what I need to replace first.

Monday, February 1, 2016

Another failed party

I don't know why I try. I really don't. I also don't know why my parties fail. But they do. All of them. Every time. Whether it's for work, for a charity organization, to support a friends new business, or just a celebration. No one comes to my parties.

I have a friend who recently became a consultant for Rodan and Fields and I bought a line from her the end of last year to be supportive, and I really like it. I think it's a good product. So I offered to host a party for her.

Silly me. I should have known better.

I invited 30 women. Some friends, some coworkers, some of the mom's I know from the girls' school. 30 people total.

I had 6 respond that they would attend.

I had two cancel.

I had one person show up.


I spent the rest of the day in tears. I would never do that to someone. I would never RSVP to a party and just not show up. No email, no call. Nothing.

I didn't sleep well. I feel like shit today and I'm just sad. My heart is just sad. I don't understand. I have good friends. When they throw parties their houses are packed with people. When I throw parties...crickets.

The last party I threw was four years ago. Ali's first birthday. We invited all our friends, planned a big party and no one came. It hurt me so badly that it took four years before I tried again.

I just don't understand.

Monday, January 18, 2016

There will be challenge rules from now on

So one of my friends created a fitbit challenge this weekend to see who could get the highest step count. I was pretty excited about it and planned on some good walking with the girls.

Here's the thing. No matter what, I still have to do the mom thing. Every Day. Even on weekends. Especially on weekends.

So when my fellow challengees consist of a single man, with no kids and two retired people, who's children and grandchildren are not in the house, it's kind of hard for us plain old mom's to keep up when the other people in the challenge have nothing better to do but run all weekend.

The differences are staggering. My two day total was 25,378 steps and I came in fourth. Part of that was an almost two mile walk that I took with my girls Saturday morning. Everything else was pretty much just normal life for me.

The winner, one of the two retired folks, was 40,135 steps. Seriously, nothing better to do. The single man was second with 34,745 and the other older gentleman was 33,557. People without kids...

I am happy that of the 'plain old moms' in the group, I did get the highest step count. The next closest to mine was just over 20,000 steps.

Next time, I don't think I'll participate in challenges with people that separate from my own situation. I don't think it's  a fair comparison given the time available to work on the challenge for each person.

(ok, maybe I"m a sore loser)

Friday, January 15, 2016

My first challenge

So, I'm a little competitive. Apparently with the fitbit I got for Christmas you have the ability to challenge your friends to 'walk off's' for lack of a better term. Who gets the most steps in within a set time frame.

One of my friends set up a challenge for this weekend, who can get in the most steps between 12 AM Saturday and 11.59 PM Sunday night. Midnight to midnight covering all of Saturday and Sunday.

I am ready!

Ready, set, walk!

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Fitbit Updates

Happy January all. I can't believe we're pretty much half way through already. It's been so busy!

I have been consistently wearing my fitbit and logging all my food (and wine, every glass, I promise) and workouts in to MyFitnessPal for over two weeks now and I really like having this new visual.

I've always eaten well, and with the exception of the wine, don't splurge much but just eating healthy hasn't resulted in any continued weight loss. And now I have a better visual on why.

The fitbit measures everything I do during the day and connected to MyFitnessPal can fairly accurately show me the calories I normally burn during the day in comparison to what I eat.

Intake vs Output.

And they're actually quite even on a normal day with minimal exercise. Good for maintaining. Not good for continued weight loss though.

I have six measly little pounds that I want to lose to fit into my PRE BABY clothes comfortably. I can wear many now, but not comfortably. I have a left over roll of prego belly around my middle that is better, but still not nearly where I want it to be.

On days were I do a ballet video workout, or yoga routine, or even spend 20-30 minutes boxing (on my awesome new punching bag that I love, love, love) my output doesn't increase to a level that is going to see the results I want. When I run for 30 minutes, that's when I burn the calories needed.

So, I need to come up with a routine that lets me run a bit more. Which is good to know.

I do love that punching bag though. There is a level of therapy that nothing else matches. It's awesome. There is one minor drawback though. Boxing with my fitbit and the boxes gloves on results in a rather sore bruise on my wrist.

Going to have to figure that one out. I'm not going to workout without the fitbit, that just defeats the whole point. But I'm going to have to come up with a way to keep it on and out of the way.

Here's to January fitness goals!