Monday, July 28, 2014


It's so hard to put into writing what happened at Mama T's almost three weeks ago now. It's hard to believe it's already been that long.

Ali and Max have been together at Mama T's since they were infants. They were best friends. They would walk around her yard holding hands. During the Easter Egg hunt in April Ali and Max traded their eggs so he could have all the blue ones and she could have all the pink ones. Not a day goes by that Max isn't mentioned in some way. He has been such a huge part of her little world. And now he is gone.

Max died on July 9th.

It was such a terrible accident, but it truly was an accident. The investigation is still going on but they expect to have a final resolution to it by August 4th. At that time we'll know if any charges will be filed. As far as we know it is being looked at as an accident and we don't believe Mama T will be charged with anything. Max's family is not pressing charges and know that it was an accident.

Right now Mama T is closed and has to remain closed during the investigation. I've been staying in close touch with her and the other moms and we're not sure that even if she is allowed to reopen, if she'd have the heart to. This has hurt her so much, I just don't think she'll ever recover. I don't know if she'll ever trust herself again or be emotionally ready to have kids her in house again. At the end of the day though, I just don't see how the state daycare licensing board can ever allow her to reopen. The legality of it is too big and I don't think it's a decision that Mama T is going to have to make.

We've been very lucky to have family close by and my in laws came down for part of a week to help us with the girls while we find some place else to put them.

Ali is almost three and we had planned on looking for a preschool soon but as a part time thing, two or three days a week with her still at Mama T's in the afternoons. Clearly that's not an option now.

So, she started at school last week. I am very happy we were able to find one so quickly and it is super close to our house. They do have infant programs too and Elle will start full time next week. They only had a part time spot for her through July. It's a family owned school, two cousins who are teachers. It's set up very well and it has a 2 1/2 year old class that prepares the kids for preschool. Works on getting them potty trained and used to a 'school' environment so it's not as big a change when they move up a level.

I have visited with Mama T and I have visited with Max's family. Max has a little brother who is Elle's age. He will now grow up never knowing his older brother.

My heart is so broken for everyone involved.

Ali & Max last fall

The whole crew at Mama T's at Easter. That's Ali and Max looking at each other instead of the camera, and the two babies are Max's little brother checking out Elle instead of the camera.

How do you heal from something like this? I have my girls. I am so, so, so grateful that I have my girls. My heart has hurt so badly for Max that I am terrified of what would happen to me should it have been one of mine instead. But I can't go down that road. The 'what if' game is so dangerous. What if it had been Ali. It could have been. So very, very easily. I just can't start that thought.

I have my girls. My amazing beautiful girls and I will treasure every minute with them knowing it can all be taken away so quickly, and so easily.

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