Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Vacation looming

I think Mama T goes on vacation just to remind us how hard is it to be a full time parent. We are going on vacation next week as a family. Our first real family vacation with all of us, Old Lady and Big M included (please reference the post from a few months ago regarding packing and multiply it by 10 as that is how many days were gone). We're not going anywhere all that exciting or glamorous, we're actually just crashing my in-laws cabin in north TN. The in-laws will be there for this weekend, but after that it's just us.

I am very much looking forward to getting away. Away from the alarm clock. Away from work. Away from the house and all the pending projects that we're scraping money to try and finish this year. All of it. Just get out of the house and be somewhere else.


There is no Away from family responsibility. Baby A still needs her regular schedule. She still needs to be fed, several times a day; diapers changed, naps had. The dogs still need walks and meals and playtime too. So a family 'vacation' isn't really a vacation as much as a change of scenery with all the same stuff going on. And what I am concerned about is that, my husband is going to have a wonderfully relaxing week, which he absolutely deserves. He's been working long hours, traveling a lot and is very stressed out. But I'm concerned that I'm not going to get any down time. That I"m going to have to be the single parent while he's relaxing. I'm going to be doing every breakfast, every bath, every nap, every lunch, every play time, all of it and I don't know how to say I don't want to without sounding like, and feeling like, a terrible mother.

I want to look forward to all of the vacation, but part of me is already worn out from just the knowledge that it's 24/7 parenting with no Mama T. I love Mama T. I appreciate her. There are some evenings and occasionally a morning that are so rough, and so whiny that when we get to Mama T's house I practically throw Baby A at her and run to the office. It's not every day, and it's probably not even once a week. But I know that after 10 days of full time mom, I'm going to give Mama T a big hug and yell 'see ya' as I run out of the house.

Just typing all of that makes me feel guilty. I don't want the idea of 10 days with Baby A to stress me out. I want to want to be a stay at home mom. There are even some days where I think I could be. We'll have a fabulous 3 or 4 day weekend. Baby A will be happy and playful and eat great, take nice long naps, with minimal fuss about anything and I'll think 'I could totally do this'. Then, we'll have an evening where I want to tear out my hair because she cries and whines about everything. And then once I'm frustrated with Baby A, my Old Lady knows I'm upset and thinks she's in trouble. So she's now under my feet doing her 'I'm sorry dance' with big eyes and a wiggling butt. Add to that Big M who, seeing Old Lady dancing for attention, comes over and does his own 'me me me' dance and he's the biggest cry baby of all of them. His normal 'talking' mode is a whine. Everything is a whine. He's excited for a walk, he whines. He's hopping around waiting for dinner, he whines. He thinks I've said something fun like, ride, or food, or treat, and his ears perk up and he whines. All of a sudden, I've got three babies all under my feet, whining at me. And this is what I'm going on vacation with.

Maybe I'll just stay home.

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