Under the Influence of Stupid

I think the roadways would be significantly safer if I was allowed to hand out tickets for general stupidity and discourtesy. Here's my list of violations that I consider ticket worthy:

~Going the wrong way down a parking lot with directional arrows and direction specific parking.

~Backing out of your parking spot without looking to see who's walking or backing out of their spot behind you.

~Stopping suddenly in the middle of a lane of moving traffic, with no blinker on, and holding up everyone behind you so you can cut someone else off to take a turn you were about to miss.

~Stopping suddenly in the middle of a lane of moving traffic, with a blinker on, and holding up everyone behind you so you can cut someone else off to take a turn you were about to miss.  Seriously, the blinker doesn't make it better.

~Getting to a 3 way intersection first where you have to turn right or left but  have no blinker on, and then sitting there doing nothing while I (with my blinker on) wait to figure out what the F you're doing and if I can take my turn.

~Coming up on stopped or slow moving traffic at the merging of two lanes and gunning your engine around those of us waiting patiently to merge so you can ride up the breakdown lane and cut off others who have already merged and were thinking they were done.

~Realizing at a stop light that you are in a turn lane (or in a straight lane when you needed to turn) and blocking everyone behind you from making it through the light because you're waiting to be able to move into the lane you should have been in had you been paying attention.

Here's the LAW. If you aren't paying attention while driving and are in the wrong lane, don't, I repeat, DON'T punish the rest of us because you were too busy texting/talking/masturbating while driving. Miss your turn, turn around, come back and do it right. Read the road signs. They're there for a reason. If it says Yield, that means, you wait while I go through an intersection first. If it says '100 feet, right turn only' get out of the f-ing lane ahead of time if that's not a turn you intended to make.

You should know that under my rules, tickets for ignorance of the law and driving while under the influence of stupid have very high costs. I'm thinking around $1000 for the first violation and doubling for every incident after that, i.e. $2000 for the second violation, $4000 for the third and then you're just way too dumb to be driving and need to have your car sold and the proceeds funding local first responders who are the ones cleaning up the mess stupid people make.