Friday, July 19, 2013

Admittedly hiding

While I have made this blog public for searches and for those who flip through and stumble across posts randomly, no one in my family knows I have a blog. Mainly because I occasionally post things here that I know would be hurtful to certain people if they knew it had been written, or even thought. Keeping it to myself means I can say the things I want to say and not hurt feelings, but it also means that I can't share posts or include meaningful details of my life and my daughter(s) to those who would probably appreciate it most. Several people I know have blogs, public or private that are specifically for their thoughts on parenting, or meal parties, whatever their life revolves around.  I enjoy reading those to follow their challenges in raising toddlers and see other sides of parenting that frequently leave me grateful for my Baby A and occasionally leave me a little jealous. One of my husbands college buddies has a son that is just a few weeks younger than Baby A and the last post from his wife talked about their son's growing vocabulary, up around 100 words or so. Baby A probably has 20. I'd be surprised if I counted more than that. Some of those are sentences though. 'Go to sleep'. 'There she is'. 'Where's daddy/mama/baby A, etc?' (referencing peekaboo). But really, while she is very vocal, she is not very verbal. She doesn't mimic back to us or make attempts at words. However, when she's got one, it just comes out and it may not be anything we've attempted to get her to say. 'Outside,' 'Upstairs,' 'Down' are just a few that she just popped out with all on her own.

Mostly I know Baby A does things on her own schedule, has the whole time, but part of me doesn't want to make a public blog that my friends read and relate to because sometimes I do feel like she is behind. She will be 2 next month and she's not that great at feeding herself. I still spoon feed her most of her meals. Yes, that is something I have allowed. I have not pushed her to do it herself. I could. I probably will at some point here. But, that's also time for the two of us to enjoy together. We sing, and play, and make faces at each other during the meal. No, not really the best for teaching table manners, but it's what we do.

Having a public blog leaves things like that open to judgment by my friends. It leaves room for comments that I may not like. The same mom with the 100 word boy posted about the co-sleeping she does with her child. Talk about a charged topic, I did my very best 'control and contain' and especially since I've never actually met her, wouldn't dare give my opinion on such a personal subject. I've said it before, parenting is up there with Religion and Politics. It is none of my business the choices you make with your children, including attachment parenting, co-sleeping, breastfeeding until the age of 5 or anything else you choose to do. My concern is that in having a public blog I will have to deal with the many, many people out there who can not keep their mouths closed and who feel they have not only the right, but the obligation to tell me how to raise my children. And then I have to decide if I'm going to take the high road and ignore the comment. Or if I respond and what that response should be. I'm not so good at that and stick my foot in my mouth on a regular basis over lesser things.

I am tempted to try it though. Right now, I write for me. I don't think there's actually anyone reading my posts on a regular basis and that's ok. It's a digital diary. Thoughts and ideas that I'd like to pretend I'm sharing. With a public blog there is more accountability. More likelihood someone might actually see it.

We'll see. Maybe.

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