Monday, March 18, 2013

Stir Crazy...or just crazy.

I'm supposed to do one of my Thankful Posts today and I'll get to that, maybe tomorrow. Today I am crawling out of my skin and I', really not sure why. It's like giving someone a pot of caffeinated coffee if they've only ever had decaf, except I love my caffeine, it's not that, it just feels like that. Almost a literal itch but inside.

It's been a rough couple of days with Baby A.  I don't know if she's teething or what, but everything is a fuss.  Everything. This morning I let her sleep way, way longer than normal, almost a full hour past when she's normally up, and she was still so 'off'. I don't know if that's part of my anxiety today.

My dogs are back at my parents house so our floors can be finished. Hopefully we'll have everything done by early next week. I"m crossing my fingers for Saturday, but I don't think that's overly realistic. It's also assuming they don't find anything (else) wrong that needs to be fixed before moving forward. At this point, that's a HUGE assumption.

I miss my dogs. My house is a MESS. I spent the whole weekend cleaning dust and debris from every surface including the furniture. I'm so excited to have new floors, and have a new guest bathroom, but holy crap is the process making me nuts.

Add to my normal level of persistent mom anxiety the fact that on Wednesday I have an appointment for a Lasik consultation. That scares the sh*t out of me. Really. Really really.

But, we've had to take a break from our attempts at having another baby because it was starting to get too stressful for me and I was afraid if I did get pregnant now, it would be a stressful pregnancy with too many due dates. We had set money aside in a flex-spending account thinking we would be having a baby this year. The flex-spending money is only available during the 2013 calendar year and if it isn't used, it's gone. Really, I thought I'd be pregnant again by now and hadn't worried about it at all but now we're quickly approaching the last few weeks that it is possible to get pregnant and have a baby in 2013 and suddenly it felt like we were trying to have a baby just so we don't lose money...which wasn't sitting very well with me and was stressing me out. I was also afraid that come Dec 31st I was going to be 8.99 months pregnant and doing jumping jacks in the kitchen trying to explain to my unborn child why they needed to come out now.

So, instead, we're taking a break from baby making and instead, I'm getting Lasik. Or, that's the plan anyway. I am beyond nervous about this. I'd say I'm half a step away from sheer panic.

That's probably what's got me so worked up. At home I wasn't thinking about it too much, but here at work, it's a big, fat appointment on my calendar that I look at 1,000 times a day. Every time I think about Wednesday my stomach churns just a little more.

What if they mess up? These are my eyes. They're the only ones I have. It's completely terrifying.

So, I'm sitting at my desk practically levitating. It's hard to concentrate. I'm not motivated to do anything but am surrounded by things that need to get done.

It will all be ok. Right?

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