Wednesday, May 28, 2014

**Warning** Meltdown pending

I can feel it coming. I'm trying to keep control and keep a hold on myself but I can feel it coming.

When Ali was six months old I had a meltdown. Not a major event requiring doctors or medicine or therapy, although therapy may not have been a bad idea. It was like a postpartum depression set of symptoms only 6 months later. I did a bunch of research at the time but couldn't find anything about PPD going past 3 months. No mention of anything occurring so far past delivery.

Elle was five months old yesterday.

I know it's coming. I feel it creeping up on me and this time I at least recognize what I'm feeling.

I'm having trouble sleeping.
I'm anxious, completely keyed up at all times, on the edge of panic, but I don't know what about.
Apathetic about just about everything. Food, exercise, work, cleaning, nothing's a priority.
No energy, none.
Feeling a loss of control in all areas of my life.
Irritable at the smallest things.
Moody and on the verge of tears pretty constantly.

We went on vacation the week before last and I felt it then, just the beginnings of it. My husband sees it as his duty to help his dad with yard work and such while we stay at their cabin. So I got all kids all the time. He doesn't see my side at all.

This weekend, with the three day weekend for Memorial Day I had hoped for some relaxing family time, and while we did get some good pool weather on Sunday, the amount of time my husband was out running or riding made for long days for me. He doesn't see my side at all. He in fact asked if he could go out for a six hour bike trip Monday morning. I said yes. I always say yes. I"m never going to say 'no, stay here and stare at the girls with me'. I know he needs time out to exercise. That's part of who he is.

I'm just feeling very lost in the shuffle right now and the additions and changes since Elle arrived are starting to take a toll.

On the flip side, the girls had a great weekend.
Memorial Day Photos.

Saturday on the deck. Murphy & his baby.

Sunday at the Pool

Monday morning pancakes, walk, fun time and flowers!

1 comment:

  1. Oh my gosh, I can totally relate to your meltdown! I'm sorry your having a hard time though. My husband helps me a lot and I'm so grateful, but it's been a process. He's definitely gotten better and learned how to help more with each kid we've had.

    I think it just comes more naturally for women and men have to learn the hard way sometimes. I also think having a small baby is SOOOO hard (I know my world will be rocked soon), so I always try to remind myself to keep it simple and don't expect to accomplish too many things. Easier said than done though. Hang in there!